Living Love Revolution: Evolving Hearts Minds and root chakras everywhere

Beloved Festival Impact

2010-09-20T14:07:00.000-07:00

Tantric Thoughts under a Waxing Moon

Dear Lovers,
Here is the web address for all five of the articles taken from William Dalrymple's book Nine Lives:

http://killingthebuddha.com/author/williamdalrymple/

Reading them reminded me of why I usually do not use the words Tantra, dakini or yogini to describe my work or the members of my communities. Although I do joke about my "Adventures in Dakini Land" I am ever mindful that there are people in India, Tibet and elsewhere who are true Tantric practitioners.

I feel a deep affinity for Tantra and Tantric practices when I read the following portions of Dalrymple's text, (bold emphasis is mine):

"In this frightening aspect, Tara is not alone, but instead part of a sisterhood who encompass the divine feminine at its most terrible: a brood of dark-skinned untameable Tantric divinities who are worshiped in Bengal, and who here take precedence in popular piety over the more familiar male gods: Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva. These goddesses, known as the Ten Mahavidyas, are attended by jackals, furies and ghosts. They cut off their own heads, and are offered blood sacrifices by their devotees. In the miniatures that illustrate the Tantric texts, they prefer to have sex with corpses than living men or gods, straddling them on a burning cremation pyre and bringing the dead to life through the power of their shakti. Such goddesses—embodying all that would normally be considered outrageous or even repulsive—lie at the shifting threshold between the divine and demonic, violating approved social values and customs. They are “going up the down-current,” as one Bengali Tantric once put it to me."

and
Though Tantrism only became well defined at the end of the first millennium AD, some of its constituent elements such as its goddess cults, shamanism, and sexual yoga may date back to pre-Aryan and pre-Vedic religious currents, and in many ways are fundamentally opposed to the ideas and structures of the Vedas, which emphasise the social and religious hierarchy. Tantrics, in contrast, oppose convention and hierarchy, and encourage individuals from every background to develop a mystical relationship with the deity. It is kama—desire in every sense of the word—that is to be used to achieve liberation in this life. While Tantric texts can represent an elevated philosophical tradition, popular Tantric practice is often oral and spontaneous. It aims at ritually gaining access to the energy of the godhead that created and controls the universe, then concentrating and internalizing that power in the body of the devotee. This turns the world and the body into channels of salvation, and a powerful means of merging with the Absolute, but also grants tangible magical powers to the devotee in the present.

These definitions of Tantra resonate with me and with the kinds of ritual magicks and invocatory work I love to do. I truly enjoy the liminal spaces The "thresholds between the divine and demonic"where I am able to "violate approved social values and customs". Admittedly the only "Tangible magical power" I want as a devotee is to love beyond my ego/personality's limited understandings of desire and preferences. Lately,my particular magick seems to be consistently taking the form of holding workshops that explore the mysteries of Love and Intimacy Building. My abilities to channel and "gain access to the energy of the godhead that created and controls the universe" remains rather limited to my rather tame Western European/Greek glimpses of Aphrodite as a Golden Wave of Love and Desire and perhaps that is as it should be.

I love that the name Tara originates in the word for "Star" and shares this with Stella Maris, & Astarte. I love knowing that Aphrodite in her origins is, as all these goddesses a Goddess of War and blood sacrifice as well as Love and desire. I believe that Aphrodite, the Peacock God and other Divine beings associated with the Star/Planet we know astronomically as Venus; is the same archetypal being seen through the different cultural lenses of humanity throughout time. It pleases me to over and over again feel the deep tidal pulls of desire and yearning and to sacrifice them to her; knowing she/he is the one true source and origin for all love and lust for me in this lifetime.

When ever I move my heartbreak from a personal sense of despair toward the universal ache of desire located in all of humanity my weeping becomes the cry for the beloved and I am no longer lost and pitiable. I am simply a devotee calling out to the godhead in one of her many forms. Then my despair and aching heart are full of wisdom and reconciliation. Then my meditation is self-recognition and integration for I am the Goddess and she is my deepest self. I am so relieved to have found a way out of despair by simply feeling it fully and allowing these waves of sensation to move out of me in radiance and magnetism.

My have a dear and devoted friend who is fond of reminding me that if I want a love life that has permanence and stability I am worshipping the wrong Goddess (Aphrodite). I adore her for being willing to listen to my endless stories of love, loss, passion, desire, heartbreak and infatuation. I pray she never becomes unwilling to lend me her compassionate ear. Thank you dear sister for all of your compassion and generosity.

Lately, however, I have been getting glimpses of something that is True for me with a capital "T". It may be possible that I am not meant to have a male partner in a static monogamous relationship in this lifetime ( no really? what was my first clue??). Now I want to be careful not to create a "curse" or limitation for myself. It is clear to me at this point that when I am infatuated with a human being I get very fixated and stuck, things stop flowing. I want to have partners that share my experience of the Divine as central and human relationships as ephemeral. Devotion to Divinity above devotion to specific humans is what I had in common with my two young male yoga teacher housemates for 11 months and was, I believe the unifying field of our ability to live together in such a small space rather peacefully, (I mean really when you think about it we got on rather well all things considered).

I have an amazing capacity to fall in love with, and then also to persistently love, other human beings. My relationships with each of you reading this is a clear testimonial/evidence of that capacity. As long as I do not get confused and think that love = people will do what I want I am fine. My experiences this past week at Beloved Festival, and my ongoing relatedness with my lovers and close intmate friends, with all of you is evidence to me that my way of loving is to be as intimate as possible and take all of us right up to the edge of social limits and customs. I know I push all of you. My love of you makes you uncomfortable sometimes doesn't it? My love for you makes me question everything I've ever been taught to believe about socially appropriate boundaries, about what it means to be straight, queer, gay, pansexual. About what it means to be married, monogamous, poly. While I actually enjoy transgressing these boundaries, I do not Love you in order to transgress. It seems to me rather that my loving, when I express it without reserve, crosses the boundaries of polite society. Perhaps this is love's nature.
Let me know your thoughts.

Going to Hawaii!

2010-01-21T00:01:00.000-08:00

Robyn Lynn, Adele, Daenin, my Mother and I are going to play in Hawaii on the big island from Feb 16-26th 2010. While we are there we are going to play with dolphins, see Pele, go snorkling and teach at Kipuka Temple. Here is a description of our class, Join us won't you!

Temple of the Open Heart:
Saturday February 20th 2010
Noon-10pm
suggested donation $100
KIPUKA TEMPLE near Kehena Beach
on Big Island, Hawaii

Open the gateway to the heart with Breathwork in the Round. The very most important element needed for life- oxygen, will race in and push all kinds of resistance, sadness, fear, anger and illness up and out. Life, love, insight, hope, pleasure and mystery will rush down and in. After we’ve passed through this opening, Teri Ciacchi and Robyn Lynn will lead us through practices guaranteed to increase connection and enhance closeness. You will be cradled in safety and surrounded by the sensuous. Be prepared to dance, sing, and otherwise be inspired to relaxed, full self-expression. Bring water, wear loose comfortable clothing and be sure bring an abundant potluck dish to share. This delicious event will run from Noon-10pm, with a break for dinner around 5pm. Suggested donation is $100. Limited discounts are available to those in need. Space is limited, register now to reserve your place.
Living Love Revolution techniques have been gathered from American Tantra as practiced by Margo Anand, Julia Henderson, the Human Awareness Institute and the works of Gay and Kathleen Hendricks. Teri & Robyn are visiting from Seattle and have taught at Network for a New Culture SummerCamp, ErosFest NorthWest, Seattle Erotic Arts Festival, Center for Sex Positive Culture, The Sharma Center, The Body Electric School,1st Annual Australian Conference of Sacred Sexual Educators in Melbourne.

I am Radiant Well-Being

2009-01-15T22:28:00.000-08:00

I am growing and expanding again. I found DaVinci's Bakery on Greenwood and 100th where wheat free gluten free goodies are made. Thanks Kallie for having such an awesome bakery full of things I can eat without getting indigestion!

I just had a very moving and loving conversation with my friend X this afternoon. I realized last Thursday (because he told me and I actually listened), that he did not want to be in a physically intimate romantic relationship with me. I got very clear guidance this weekend that I am supposed to love him unconditionally anyway. It is somewhat difficult for me as my ego/id/identity wants to belittle him and throw a fit and say "you are an idiot for rejecting me". In fact I was already in the process of generating stories that belittled both of us because I was inauthentic about how painful it was for me to not get what I want "AGAIN!". Authentically though, I really want to keep loving him and being close to him. So we agreed we will be friends and that it is safe to have our child selves play with each other. I also had a two hour yoga session with Lance on Tuesday we talked for the first hour about Yoga's spiritual properties and I got a much deeper understanding of what Yoga is. Then we did an hour of yoga, all surrender poses and on the floor poses. He also led me in a yogic sleep visualization which was very healing. Julie Starkel is doing a blood test for me so I can learn about my vitamin deficeinces and then calculate my metabolic rate. I am learning so much about bodies! So my new affirmation is that I am learning the magickal art of shape shifting.
*******Below is what i sent out in my most recent newsletter***********
I am remarkably healthy and feeling well. I am the possibility of radiant well-being. As of Jan 7th my official 8 weeks of doctor recommended rest and recovery for my triple hernia surgery is complete! The CAT scan taken on Dec 23rd showed neither further hernias nor prolapse of any kind. I started doing water aerobics at the local pool today and am walking 2-5 times a week. The number of people who have stepped up to help me and provided me with services is amazing! I especially want to thank Dawn Lamp who is now a nutrition and well-being coach who sells Usana Supplements, Julie Starkel of Greenlake Nutrition who is my nutritionist, Emily Jennings and Ranjiv Jain who are my exercise coaches, and Lance DeMuth who created a series of Yoga Asanas for me to do as I recover. Luminara Serdar is doing NeuroModulation Technique sessions with me. check her out at
I can now carry things up and down stairs and walk for 45 minutes again. Being healthy is not something I assume any more. I am really enjoying learning how to eat and so many fascinating things about my body and digestion and nutrition. Wow, who knew something as essential as eating could be so complex. Food is medicine. I appear to have some kind of wheat or gluten intolerance and I would love to get suggestions for places to eat non-wheat/ gluten dishes and types of non-wheat foods that you enjoy.
As you can see I am not teaching much at all Jan – March 2009. I am focusing on developing my counseling practice, making art and tending to my intimate relationships. I find that my healing process requires a lot more centering of the self and alone time. I am cooking most of my own food, meditating and just being with myself. I am enjoying this process. Thanks for being a part of my community of health!

Fall 2008 Time for a Love Revolution!

2008-09-29T02:06:00.000-07:00

Hello to everyone who gets my TerraFire Academy of Aphrodisiacal Living Newsletters,
There are big changes afoot.

#1 I am about to change the name of my work to Love Revolution. Shortly I will have a new "Love Revolution" website at www.livingloverev.com. I will convert my blog, video, and website ASAP and my newsletter for Oct will be under the new name.

#2 I am struggling with health issues due to the fact that I have 3 (not one as I originally thought) hernias and need a specific (laparoscopic via robotic arms) surgery.The hernias were a side effect of having such a large incision for my full hysterectomy and subsequent massive amounts of scar tissue. I do not have health insurance. I make too much to receive DSHS or get on WA basic health. My previous experience with cancer, and the fact that I am "morbidly obese" have prevented me from obtaining insurance. I do have a 100% charity from Swedish Hospital for the hospitalization side of expenses until Dec 31st 2008. I am looking for a surgeon who works or will work at Swedish and will give me both a discount and a payment plan. I am meeting with Dr Jedediah Kaufman from the general surgery Dept. at Swedish Tuesday Sept 30th at 9:15am in the hopes that he will be the surgeon to help me. Please send me healing energy, love and life force so I can retain a surgeon and receive this operation ASAP. thanks.

#3 Okay, I really want you to join the "Next Step Together" as it is the most realistic and ambitious plan I have helped create to move us toward world peace starting NOW. I have chosen to stop being resigned and cynical and start acting powerfully. To any of you who want to participate in self-governance this is the social experiment for you. I am printing the letter below and in an attachment so you can send it on to others too.

Blessings,

Teri D. Ciacchi MSW
"Love Revolution: clear explicit information about love, sex and relationships"
(206) 612-3511

An Invitation to Join the Next Step Together
In the end,  we will remember not the words of our enemies,  but the silence of our friends. --Martin Luther King, Jr. 
Dear Friends, Community Organizers, Visionaries, Superheroes, and everyone who loves life: 

This letter has four parts:

What's Going On?

What's In It for Us?

What Do I Do?

What's the Plan?

What's Going On: We're all aware of the political, economic, and environmental events converging at this historical crossroads. Even though most of us know that we could solve every solvable problem on the planet for 10% of what we spend on the world's military, the world seems stuck. Like so many of you, we've wondered for years how a revitalized democracy or a nonviolent mass movement or even love itself could ever take hold.

But during this past year, hope for a brighter future has surprised and shocked and sometimes even frightened us.

A very improved consensus governance system called Dynamic Self-Governance, or Sociocracy is a missing puzzle piece, a catalyst that will enable us to effectively and efficiently work together. Every week one of us sees a new application of Sociocracy, a new project,a new way to bring humanity together.

And we have created an exciting, elegant, plan for a sustainable future. It's based on the nerve-like, deeply interwoven network of life and friendship in which we all move. The human body politic has been suffering in its sleeping, but it starts waking now with you.

It's time to take a massive Next Step Together. That step is to powerfully connect everyone who chooses a sustainable future for the planet into a cohesive global decision-making structure—starting with the people you already know.

This is the next evolutionary step. We might never take it. Or we might take it after we've killed billions more people and wrecked essential planetary life support systems. Or we might take it now.

We've combined the most essential and practical strategies for building a sustainable, just earth. Now let's implement them. Really.

What's In It For Us?

A life.

A practical alternative to empire, terrorism, corporatism, racism, classism, pollution, starvation, poverty, war, violence, rape, neglect, madness, disease, isolation, fear and powerlessness

Safety in numbers Fun Community Meaning Security

Freedom Sustainability HOPE 

Your fair share of power -- the deepest democracy imaginable 

An honest shot at creating and relaxing in a just world -- No kidding!

The knowledge that you acted powerfully when you were called to do so.

What Do I Do?

a) Learn more about the Next Step Together at: http://nextsteptogether.net 

b) Join the Next Step Together group on Facebook.

Then, using this letter, invite everybody you know to do the same. (Got issues with Facebook? See below.) We'd like a million people in the Facebook group by October 8. (Call the person who sent you this letter if you need support accessing Facebook!) 

c) Get involved with the Implementation Circle process.We need local organizers, web designers, programmers, economists, event planners, activists, donors, thinkers, writers.Everyone. You have needed skills, resources and people to bring into the circle.Call or write us! 

What's The Plan?

a) Gather massive numbers of already connected people in the Next Step Together Group on Facebook.

b)Implement a sociocratic governance system, connecting every Friend Group into an elegant, organic decision making structure, creating a super-majority of people who are willing to focus their power for the greatest good. Each of us will govern with equal power.

c)Once we have critical mass, we'll collectively consent to our next, efficient, giant steps using all the creativity, innovation and skill we have. We'll act together, nonviolently, in overwhelming numbers, and make pivotal, systemic change quickly.

This is the fastest way we know of to create the world we want.

It seems wildly optimistic, because the human family is drowsy, just waking up. But, in their hearts, everybody really wants a safe, fun, fair world. Everybody. At least 20% of us are already ready, eager, and gathering for this. 60% of the population will join us quickly if the 20% of us with active hope and vision act powerfully now. The 80% will then offer the remaining 20% consideration and kindness no sane person could refuse, because, in sociocracy, everyone must consent to every major policy.

Welcome to the beginning of giant, fast, smart love power!

We look forward to seeing your wonderful face in the Next Step Together group!

Very hopefully,

Tim Anderson, Teri D. Ciacchi, Bradley K. Ehrlich, Robyn Lynn & Jenifer Stambaugh    

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win. -Mahatma Gandhi  
 * Facebook has tipped. It's no longer primarily for teens: It has become the world's most popular social networking site, after overtaking MySpace. Everybody is joining. Your page will only be available to your friends and you can see and connect with them easily. We're finding old friends there and even prefer doing email on Facebook -- there are pictures and daily updates and tons of fun-looking stuff you don't have time to try.  There is, however, little doubt that Facebook is owned by hyper-capitalist neocons -- http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2008/jan/14/facebook. They will make even more money if you buy the products they advertise. Don't.

And, though your privacy is not guaranteed on Facebook, the Next Step Together will never have anything to hide: We will win the world over with love and happiness.The sooner everyone knows that, the better for us all.

Finally, we will start our own, nonprofit, ethical social networking site and database, asap. But, Facebook is what is now, and every day we waste reinventing the wheel is another day 50,000 people unnecessarily die of poverty.

2008-06-18T15:33:00.000-07:00

What's going on in Teri's world:
I want to thank all of you who wrote back or called to share your experiences of how you access the Divine. It generated lots of juicy and profound conversations. Lovely to be in the world with such myriad options of Divinity. Helps me stay connected and in touch to contemplate these things. I have also really been continuing to enjoy John Welwood's "Perfect Love Imperfect Relationships" book. I find I must read and re-read sections to stay present. I am focusing on un-shelding and un-armoring my heart (in the energectic Reichian and emotional sense). I am working this into my daily spiritual practice. It helps for me to do what I call roly poly Venus Yoga basically stretches and asanas in front of my Aphrodite statue and then one of Welwood's "presencing to love" exercises every morning. Welwood's website has a lot of great articles and I recommend them.

Those of us who have had perplexing expereinces of a incongruency in people who are spiritually adept but still somehow not whole might benefit from reading his article Embodying Your Realization : Psychological Work in the Service of Spiritual Development It introduces the concept of Spiritual Bypass, which I see as a spiritual development issue I frequently run into in the Seattle alternative communities.

I reviewed the Landmark Forum the first weekend of June and saw a big "racket" I was running. I was allowing myself to wallow in a story of being heartbroken so that my addict self could be justified in continuing to smoke cigarettes. Nothing about smoking works for me, especially as a cancer survivor. I started taking the non-smoking drug Chantix. I quit smoking Friday June 13th. It is going really well this time and I do not expereince any physical symptoms of craving nicotene, which is amazing. The key here will be my ability to stay open hearted and in love with life. I am using the Welwood exercises and my daily spiritual practice to keep an open access to the Divine.
I am going to do some breathwork sessions with Robyn Lynn of The Present Sense. She is an amazing practitioner who is also involved with both Landmark Education and an exciting social change experiment called "The Next Step Together". I'll talk about next step again in the future.

I have been blessed with several conversations with Andras Jones the creator of Radio 8 Ball http://www.radio8ball.com/ he introduced me to the Movie Black Snake Moan which. I had dismissed as potentially racist and sexist based on the trailers and cover of the DVD. I watched it found it to be quite profound about healing and sexuality and gender and the need for honor and foundational boundaries between men and daughters. I have a lot I want to communicate about this but it will have to wait until next time. I'll write again soon about the tantric implications of this movie and about my experiences with Jenny Block the author of “Open: Love, Sex and Life in an Open Marriage”.
What’s happening at the Apcademy of Aphrodisiacal Living this weekend and the rest of the summer?

So Luminara Serdar will be here this weekend and is offering her Neuro Modulation Technique sessions in my house on Friday 20th only. You'll be able to find her at The Fremont Solstice fair on Saturday and Sunday as she and Peter will be selling copper cobra aromatherapy dispensers there. Here's Luminara's message to you:
 I will be in Seattle and doing healing treatments one day only, on Friday, June 20 using NeuroModulation Technique (NMT), an energetic modality which addresses the control systems of the body to effect immediate and durable changes with physical symptoms. To read more about NMT, please see my website at http://www.luminaraserdar.com/nmt.php. I will most likely have my amethyst Biomat to lay on during the treatments. This device emits negative ions and far infrared rays to help the body release toxins.  Sessions can be scheduled between 10am and 7pm by calling me directly at  541.653.0446.   My rate is $75/hour (normally $90, but discounted for this one day I am in town).   A session can range anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour, depending on what your body desires. We can set up the session with a time limit, or with a "body" limit, that is, we'll be done when your body feels it has had enough shift for that session.  Thank you for spreading the word, Teri!   Blessings, Luminara Serdar  541.653.0446  www.luminaraserdar.com

********
 Monday June 23rd Landmark Home Introduction for the Sex Positive Community 7:00 pm - 10:00 pm FREE!  Seattle, WA 98115  Join Landmark Introduction leader and sex positive activist Teri Ciacchi  in an evening of Transformation. You will have an opportunity to chose  an area of your life where you are not experiencing yourself as completely powerful and be guided through an exercise that allows you to  create a new possibility for yourself and your life. Come see what all  the buzz is about and hear what it is like to participate in the  Landmark Forum. www.landmarkeducation.com  The Landmark Forum gives you a clear, practical and usable process to  create breakthroughs in every area of your life, everyday. At this  introduction you will be invited to register in the Landmark Forum, which is a 3-day and an evening course designed to unlock the limitless possibilities in our lives. The tuition is $495.00. The minimum deposit for the landmark Forum is $100.00. Included in your tuition is a ten-session seminar series where you will be coached in applying the principles of the Landmark Forum in your life.
***********

Summer Academy of Aphrodisiacal Living Events:
(Detailed descriptions of these workshops available at

I will be traveling to Eugene Oregon to photo document the artist Judith Sparks work July 16-20th

I will be teaching Sexy Body Sexy Mind for women only with Robyn Lynn on Sat July 26th Noon-5pm $100 person

I will be Holding a Temple of the Open Heart Evening with Chris Poor on Saturday August 2nd 7-11pm $100 couple

I will have a birthday Celebration on Sunday August 3rd ( my B-day is the Friday 1st but Alicia Powers asked
me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding that night. Congrats Alicia & Dave!) late afternoon into evening we will enjoy
great food, singing, poetry and good company.
 Clitoral Revelations at the Center for Sex Positive Culture on Sunday August 17th Noon-5pm $100 person

Attending & teaching at Paradise Unbound August 26th-Sept 1st
PARADISE IS COMING
Remember, the Center for Sex Positive Culture's yearly camp out is only 3 months away so get registered and save some money. If you've never been to Paradise Unbound, you are in for a treat. For seven days we feed you, educate you and entertain you and it's all just 25 minutes from Seattle, so if you don't want to camp out, you don't have to.

Invitation to an Inquiry about the Divine

2008-06-18T15:24:00.000-07:00

June 6th Academy of Aphrodisiacal Living Newsletter
What you will find below:
A. An essay invitation about noticing the Divine within
B. List of classes and events I am hosting in June – August

A. Invitation to an Inquiry about the Divine
A lot has been on my mind lately. This month’s Solstice weekend marks a year anniversary of my weekend training with Andrew Harvey who coined the phrase “Sacred Activism” http://www.andrewharvey.net/. I have now thought for more than a year about creating a series of classes/workshops around the concept of Sacred Activism. So far this is the framework for what would occur in such a course: 1) It would involve having people create a daily spiritual practice for themselves of 15-30 minutes in duration. The purpose is to have the daily experience of the presence of the Divine in one’s life. This would create an inner reservoir of knowing the Divine to be present. Knowing not as an intellectual exercise but as a kinesthetic reality. 2) People would then track their ability to identify with their own Divinity/ capital “S” Self as to see if it expands. 3) People would create a project in their community that allows others to have similar experiences. It can be any kind of project but it needs to be something that allows the people involved to do what they love to do or be their deeper more connected Self.

In reading the works of the teachers I have found such as bell hooks “All About Love” http://www.education.miami.edu/ep/contemporaryed/Bell_Hooks/bell_hooks.html
< http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQUuHFKP-9s >

Eckhart Tolle “The Presence of Now” and “A New Earth”
www.eckharttolle.com/ -
www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPg9DnMP2D4

John Wellwood “Perfect Love Imperfect Relationships”,

I am always searching for exercises and experiences that will give people access to self-love. If we each had developed our own daily spiritual practice that put us in touch with our inner sense of Divinity and we strengthen our association/identity with that over our association with our ego identity we could help move our human consciousness forward. I believe we could begin to have daily experiences where we intentionally exercise our sense of ourselves as connected, peaceful, loving and complete. It might make a shift in our ability to sustain life on the planet.

I recently have been looking at videos on the TED website ( Thanks BettyKay!) and saw both one on a woman brain scientist who was aware when she was having a stroke and another by a brain researcher who sees that intelligence is a function of prediction. We are very close, I think to a scientific breakthrough in our ability to choose to identify and possibly consciously shift to our right hemisphere functions where we experience a sense of oneness and the dissolution of the ego. I believe, having looked into this for a while that it is in our right brain that the experience of Immanence occurs. Look at the videos and let me know what you think.
Here is the link to the ted.com video called “My Stroke of Insight” by the Jill Bolte Taylor : http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/229

And here is the talk on brain science.
http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/125
From the introduction: "Jeff Hawkins urges us to take a new look at the brain -- to see it not as a fast processor, but as a memory system that stores and plays back experiences to help us predict, intelligently, what will happen next."
He actually quotes RC theory saying that the brain looks at each new input, matches it with old/similar input, makes predictions, and acts accordingly.

If you enjoy these two, you can search for "brain" in Ted.com and find more.

The Divine not as transcendent, out there but as immanent, in here. One of my most recent experiences of this Knowing Immanence occurred during a phone call to my mother shortly after my return from visiting her in Cleveland last month. I was sitting outside on my patio facing the 15 ft tall Camilla Tree that lives there. The tree has deeply glossy dark green leaves and was filled just then with magenta blossoms. The sky was quite blue and luminous. I sat there with my Blackberry phone to my ear, speaking to my mother about her activities at the North Ridgeville VFW hall and her Tuesday night bowling league and how she was coping with the transition of my Grandmother’s recent death. Two Rufus humming birds began to flutter and dart around the tree. I gasped with wonder and delight as I then saw three swallows also come in and begin swooping around the tree. Suddenly for several minutes a golden glow cast itself over the whole scene and the birds and the tree and my mother and I were in a Holy moment. Time slowed down, I described what I was experiencing to her on the phone.

My housemate Stuart pulled up his car and moved toward me and the tree and I was able to show him what was happening and he entered the moment without disrupting or dispersing it and then as he turned to look at me and acknowledge what we saw, it ended. I said goodbye to my mother and the experience faded but I was able to keep the glow of awe and appreciation going for about an hour afterwards. Last summer I was on a major quest to expand my ability to have a sense of oneness and knowing Immanence outside of the realm of sexual experiences. I have experienced sex as a pathway to the Divine for many years and had come to see that this set me up for attachment in relationships in a way that was not always in my best interest. In other words, because I so craved to know the Divine and could easily experience this during sex with another, I got very attached to my sexual partners and quite “hooked in”. Thus when a relationship transitioned away for sexual intimacy I would be very grief stricken and have withdrawals. I was not able to maintain the same level of ecstasy in my solo sex. I wanted to expand my access to the Divine so I went to see Andrew Harvey and his workshop on Rumi the Divine Beloved and then I attended the 10-day Vipassana retreat with Jude.

I am not ready to teach Sacred Activism yet, I am still working towards it. So I am inviting all of you to look into yourself and share with me the answer to this question: “How do you access the Divine? What activities and environments bring you to the space where you know your own immanence? I want to understand all the paths to God/dess that people walk in their everyday experiences. I want to help myself and all of us have access to our own internal resources of Divinity. Please feel free to email your responses to this inquiry.

June Academy of Aphrodisiacal Living Events

Thursday June 5th
Wisdom Art Party – collage and other fun
7:00 pm - 10:00 pm FREE!
Seattle, WA 98115

This is both a Landmark Wisdom Coursework party and an art party for anyone who wants to have fun with collage. I’ve got glue, yes paste and lots of magazines as well as collage images already cut out. Come on over and make art!

Saturday, June 14 or Saturday June 21st
Super Cool Garage Sale
9am-3pm

I am taking all the stuff I won’t be moving to India & Steven’s house and we are having one Killer Garage Sale together! Don’t miss out. Come early and get lots of cool stuff way cheap. Clothing, Art, Lamps, Ritual tools, Statues, Jewelry, Books, Lots of great deals. We plan to have it on the 14th but if it rains, we will have it on the 21st.

Saturday, June 14
FLIRTING FOR EVERYONE:
HOW TO BE AN OUTRAGEOUS AND SINCERE FLIRT
with Teri Ciacchi and Allena Gabosch
3:00 PM to 5:30 PM
At the Center for Sex Positive Culture Annex
18+ $25

Flirting isn't easy. In fact, it can be downright intimidating. Add on being polyamorous or someone not looking for "the one" and it becomes even more daunting. What if you just want to be yourself, have a good time and get close to people and your intention is authenticity and love without specific goals like cohabitation or marriage? What if your goals ARE cohabitation and marriage?
What's a person to do?
While flirting may not come naturally to most people, it is a skill that anyone can learn. Teri Ciacchi and Allena Gabosch have a long history of being outrageous flirts. Join Teri and Allena as they guide you through a short series of fun exercises; sharing their flirting tips and giving you the skills to be an outrageous and shame free flirt yourself.

You will learn about:
* Touching someone in a flirty and non-threatening way
* Body postures that indicate openness
* Effective ways to communicate interest:
(no "Hey Baby, What's your sign?" "pick-up lines" allowed)
* How to tell someone you are interested in being intimate with more
than one person
* Exploring your own uncertainty about what you want
* Relating intimately without goal oriented outcomes.
* Being real with who you are and where you’re
* Feeling fear and flirting anyway

We will create a safe and friendly atmosphere and practice flirting with each other. It will be fun and relaxed while improving your ability to get what you want out of intimate relating. See you there!

Tuesday June 17th
Erotic Seattle Education Salon: “ Sex Education in WA”
Dinner @ 6:00 pm, Salon @ 7:00 pm-9:00 pm FREE!
Capitol Club 414 E Pine St (Cross Street: Bellevue Avenue)
Our June 2008 topic for the ESE Salon is "Sex Education”: Starting at the beginning of the 2008-2009 school year Washington State will join eight other states in rejecting Title V “abstinence-only-until-marriage” funding in public schools. We will discus the implications of this change in public policy. What are the characteristics of comprehensive sex education? What should kids know and when should they know it? Check out http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/real.htm for details. Come on down and we'll talk about it!

Erotic Seattle Education Sexuality Salon Discussions occur the third Tuesday of every month in Capitol Hill. A salon is an open facilitated discussion focused on a specific topic. Each Sexuality Salon will be focused on a different aspect of Sex (bet you already figured that out eh?
;-)) Salons will start at 7pm and end at 9pm and are open to all people. If you are a person that has difficulty with diversity or passionate conversation you may not want to attend.

Sex Positive intro to Landmark Mon June 23rd
Monday June 23rd
Landmark Home Introduction for the Sex Positive Community
7:00 pm - 10:00 pm FREE!

Join Landmark Introduction leader and sex positive activist Teri Ciacchi in an evening of Transformation. You will have an opportunity to chose an area of your life where you are not experiencing yourself as completely powerful and be guided through an exercise that allows you to create a new possibility for yourself and your life. Come see what all the buzz is about and hear what it is like to participate in the Landmark Forum. www.landmarkeducation.com

The Landmark Forum gives you a clear, practical and usable process to create breakthroughs in every area of your life, everyday. At this introduction you will be invited to register in the Landmark Forum, which is a 3-day and an evening course designed to unlock the limitless possibilities in our lives. The tuition is $495.00. The minimum deposit for the landmark Forum is $100.00. Included in your tuition is a ten-session seminar series where you will be coached in applying the principles of the Landmark Forum in your life.

UPCOMING Summer Academy of Aphrodisiacal Living Events:
Stay tuned as I am in the middle of negotiating another Clitoral Revelations class and a Sexy Body Sexy Mind class in Seattle for July. I am also planning to teach Clitoral Revelations in Portland and to visit Eugene. I will be at Paradise again this year the last week of August and for those of you who missed the Couples tantra workshop I did in April, look here I am doing one on my birthday weekend! Yippee…

Saturday August 2nd
Temple of the Open Heart
7:00pm-11:00pm $100 per couple
location given upon registration

Join Teri Ciacchi and her teaching partner Chris Poor as we lead you and your partner through a series of exercises guaranteed to increase intimacy and enhance closeness. Gathered from a variety of places and techniques from American Tantra as practiced by Margo Anand to the Human Awareness Institute’s “Angel Walk” and the works of Gay and Kathleen Hendricks and Julia Henderson you will be cradled in safety and surrounded by the sensuous. Be prepared to dance, sing and otherwise be inspired to relaxed full self-expression. Wear loose comfortable clothing and be sure to have eaten before you arrive. Feel free to call for details or reserve your place in advance (206) 612-3511

Personal Pelvic Viewer's now available to the public! Personal Pelvic Viewer's, invented by W. Banning Vail, and used in my Clitoral Revelations class are now available to sell to the public. Check them out on my new website at: Slotted PPV's come in petite and regular sizes for $75 and the Photo Y PPV is available for $110. This tool will give you access to understanding female genital anatomy, no more confusion about where the g-spot is. PPV's come with clear instructions for use and cleaning. Call me to order yours today! (206) 612-3511

PARADISE IS COMING and I'll be teaching there!
Remember, our yearly camp out is only 2 months away so get registered and save some money. http://www.paradiseunbound.com/

If you've never been to Paradise Unbound, you are in for a treat. For seven days we feed you, educate you and entertain you and it's all just 25 minutes from Seattle, so if you don't want to camp out, you don't have to.

Invitation to an Inquiry about the Divine

2008-06-05T09:35:00.000-07:00

A lot has been on my mind lately. This month's Solstice weekend marks a
year anniversary of my weekend training with Andrew Harvey who coined
the phrase "Sacred Activism" http://www.andrewharvey.net/. I have now
thought for more than a year about creating a series of
classes/workshops around the concept of Sacred Activism. So far this is
the framework for what would occur in such a course: 1) It would involve
having people create a daily spiritual practice for themselves of 15-30
minutes in duration. The purpose is to have the daily experience of the
presence of the Divine in one's life. This would create an inner
reservoir of knowing the Divine to be present. Knowing not as an
intellectual exercise but as a kinesthetic reality. 2) People would then
track their ability to identify with their own Divinity/ capital "S"
Self as to see if it expands. 3) People would create a project in their
community that allows others to have similar experiences. It can be any
kind of project but it needs to be something that allows the people
involved to do what they love to do or be their deeper more connected
Self.

In reading the works of the teachers I have found such as bell hooks
"All About Love"
http://www.education.miami.edu/ep/contemporaryed/Bell_Hooks/bell_hooks.html
< http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQUuHFKP-9s >

Eckhart Tolle "The Presence of Now" and "A New Earth"
www.eckharttolle.com/ -
www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPg9DnMP2D4

John Wellwood "Perfect Love Imperfect Relationships",

I am always searching for exercises and experiences that will give
people access to self-love. If we each had developed our own daily
spiritual practice that put us in touch with our inner sense of Divinity
and we strengthen our association/identity with that over our
association with our ego identity we could help move our human
consciousness forward. I believe we could begin to have daily
experiences where we intentionally exercise our sense of ourselves as
connected, peaceful, loving and complete. It might make a shift in our
ability to sustain life on the planet.

I recently have been looking at videos on the TED website ( Thanks
BettyKay!) and saw both one on a woman brain scientist who was aware
when she was having a stroke and another by a brain researcher who sees
that intelligence is a function of prediction. We are very close, I
think to a scientific breakthrough in our ability to choose to identify
and possibly consciously shift to our right hemisphere functions where
we experience a sense of oneness and the dissolution of the ego. I
believe, having looked into this for a while that it is in our right
brain that the experience of Immanence occurs. Look at the videos and
let me know what you think.
Here is the link to the ted.com video called "My Stroke of Insight" by
the Jill Bolte Taylor : http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/229

And here is the talk on brain science.
http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/125
From the introduction: "Jeff Hawkins urges us to take a new look at the
brain -- to see it not as a fast processor, but as a memory system that
stores and plays back experiences to help us predict, intelligently,
what will happen next."
He actually quotes RC theory saying that the brain looks at each new
input, matches it with old/similar input, makes predictions, and acts
accordingly.

If you enjoy these two, you can search for "brain" in Ted.com and find
more.

The Divine not as transcendent, out there but as immanent, in here. One
of my most recent experiences of this Knowing Immanence occurred during
a phone call to my mother shortly after my return from visiting her in
Cleveland last month. I was sitting outside on my patio facing the 15 ft
tall Camilla Tree that lives there. The tree has deeply glossy dark
green leaves and was filled just then with magenta blossoms. The sky was
quite blue and luminous. I sat there with my Blackberry phone to my ear,
speaking to my mother about her activities at the North Ridgeville VFW
hall and her Tuesday night bowling league and how she was coping with
the transition of my Grandmother's recent death. Two Rufus humming birds
began to flutter and dart around the tree. I gasped with wonder and
delight as I then saw three swallows also come in and begin swooping
around the tree. Suddenly for several minutes a golden glow cast itself
over the whole scene and the birds and the tree and my mother and I were
in a Holy moment. Time slowed down, I described what I was experiencing
to her on the phone.

My housemate Stuart pulled up his car and moved toward me and the tree
and I was able to show him what was happening and he entered the moment
without disrupting or dispersing it and then as he turned to look at me
and acknowledge what we saw, it ended. I said goodbye to my mother and
the experience faded but I was able to keep the glow of awe and
appreciation going for about an hour afterwards. Last summer I was on a
major quest to expand my ability to have a sense of oneness and knowing
Immanence outside of the realm of sexual experiences. I have experienced
sex as a pathway to the Divine for many years and had come to see that
this set me up for attachment in relationships in a way that was not
always in my best interest. In other words, because I so craved to know
the Divine and could easily experience this during sex with another, I
got very attached to my sexual partners and quite "hooked in". Thus when
a relationship transitioned away from sexual intimacy I would be very
grief stricken and have withdrawals. I was not able to maintain the same
level of ecstasy in my solo sex. I wanted to expand my access to the
Divine so I went to see Andrew Harvey and his workshop on Rumi the
Divine Beloved and then I attended the 10-day Vipassana retreat with
Jude.

I am not ready to teach Sacred Activism yet, I am still working towards
it. So I am inviting all of you to look into yourself and share with me
the answer to this question: "How do you access the Divine? What
activities and environments bring you to the space where you know your
own immanence? I want to understand all the paths to God/dess that
people walk in their everyday experiences. I want to help myself and all
of us have access to our own internal resources of Divinity. Please feel
free to email your responses to this inquiry.

You will be revealed by your actions

2008-05-20T01:57:00.000-07:00

Let it be Known

To the person(s) who sent me the anonymous letter dated 5/16/08 mailed from a 981 zip code. You are engaging in the following legally defined crimes; libel, slander and harassment, (feel free to look it up if you need to be sure). I am filing a third police report. I want you to stop spending your time and energy trying to upset me. Everything you do is transformed into positive action that strengthens my resolve to be completely self-expressed and empowered in my work. I will gladly meet you and engage with you in person or on the phone to discuss your concerns. You clearly know my address and phone number. Although your letter ends with an offer for me to call you, you forgot to leave any identifiable contact information.

Let it be known that I am open to clearing anything from the past with any person(s) who will meet with me and agree to non-violently communicate their issues and concerns. I am willing to openly negotiate and behaviorally define “non-violent” in advance of our meeting. I urge anyone who has incomplete, unresolved communications with me to get in communication with me as long as that communication comes from an authentic clearly identified source and is held to my definition of “non-violence”. Show yourself. Identify yourself. Have the courage to come forward and be as open to scrutiny and opinionated judgment as I am. Stand behind your concerns and speak your mind freely and deal with the consequences as I do. I commit myself to investigating whatever shadow part of my own inner nature has helped to manifest your behaviors. If I have offended, upset or hurt you, then openly communicate your grievances to me. Allow me the opportunity to make amends. I am willing to look at and listen to any injury I may have caused you. I am human. I make mistakes. Please forgive me.

To any and all people who have engaged in the anonymous and repeated attempts to interfere with my work and my peace of mind and my financial success and my stable housing since Monday May 6, 2008:You will stop harassing me immediately. You will stop calling innocent workers whose time and energy you are wasting by sending in fake requests for services and help. You will stop using the anonimity of the internet to trick people by falsely responding to their requests in my name. You will immediately stop interfering with my life work by calling any one I am doing business with and lying about me.

Let it be known that I am doing everything I can to identify you including considering hiring a private investigator. If I choose to do this I will follow up this action by hiring a lawyer to sue you for defamation of character, libel, slander and harassment. I will make my decision by the next dark moon.

I affirm that we are connected in a common humanity. I surround you in light. I pray that the miraculous and healing power of love that guides me will enter you and transform your upset into compassion. May the energy you have been spending to interfere with me be transformed into a powerful urge to become self-aware. I declare that you will stop your projections of self-loathing and fear and refocus on self-actualization and liberation. May you come to know the true power and protection of living by the guidance of your inner divinity instead of the fears of your ego.

I exist within in a Circle of Divine Protection,
I operate in accordance with Universal Law,
In the names of Aphrodite, Isis, Hecate, Minerva and Lord Ganesha
I declare that all persons acting with the intent to harm me have been stopped.
As I Will it So Mote it Be!

Teri Dianne Ciacchi aka TerraFire
Tuesday May 20th 2008
(206) 612-3511

Ballard Odd Fellow's Hall "Does the Right Thing"

2008-05-09T08:35:00.000-07:00

Here is the copy of the Press Release issued by Bob Duniway the Grand Lodge Master I hope I got that title correct) of the Odd Fellow's. Please feel free to send him a thank you note.

Ballard Odd Fellows

Contact: Bob Duniway For Immediate Release
Phone: (206)372-4164
Email: rduniway@seattleu.edu

COMPLAINTS RECEIVED ABOUT KINKY CARNIVAL EVENT IN BALLARD
Ballard Odd Fellows Respond to Controversy

On the evening of Saturday, May 10th the 4th Annual Kinky Carnival is taking place in the Ballard Odd Fellows Hall on Market Street. While the event is advertised as “A delightful and safe playground for the secret (or not so secret) hedonist in you.” at least a few individuals don’t see it as delightful. The Ballard Odd Fellows have received a few phone calls from upset individuals threatening to disrupt the event with protests and by calling the police.

The Odd Fellows, who are not involved with organizing or sponsoring the event, but merely renting out their hall, were taken by surprise by these messages. “When this group approached us about renting the hall, we had a clear conversation with them about respecting our neighbors and not being willing to rent if the event would be disruptive,” said Bob Duniway, past President of the lodge, “so we were initially concerned that they were violating that agreement with their advertising.” Specifically, the lodge representatives had been assured that advertising would be tasteful and low key, and that nothing in the advertising would imply that the event was being sponsored or endorsed by the Odd Fellows. “From all the advertising material we have seen so far, there isn’t any association between this group and our lodge. So some individuals or a group went to extra effort of finding our hall rental phone numbers and called us to complain and threaten action.”

The fact that the lodge rented the hall for this event was not viewed as a judgment about the nature of the event on the part of the lodge. “We have a hall available for rent, and a community organization approached us wanting to hold an event. We signed a rental agreement after discussing the nature of the event, and being assured it would not involve any illegal conduct, endanger the building or anyone in the building, and wouldn’t disturb the neighbors. The Ballard Odd Fellows are not a particularly judgmental group, and we didn’t make a judgment either condoning or condemning what people were going to be doing in this event. Apparently there are a few people who feel differently, and who are going to some trouble to try to prevent or disrupt this event. At this point there is some danger that protests may disturb the community when the event itself otherwise wouldn’t.” Duniway observed. “Hopefully it won’t turn out that way.”

Harassment of the Kinky Carnival

2008-05-08T07:53:00.000-07:00

Harassment

On Tuesday morning I called the Seattle North precinct Police Department to request that a report be taken for the following harassments: 1) various limousine and taxi cabs were called and reserved in my name and with my phone number, My count is that there were 9 of these reservations made. The first call I received from a limousine waiting outside my house to take me to the airport occurred on Monday may 5th at 6:15am PST, at the time I was with my mother at her eye doctor appointment in Cleveland Ohio 9:15am CST. The last call I received from a taxi service that was reserved by someone else in my name was on Tuesday morning around 9:30am. By this time I was apologizing and asking the taxi dispatcher for information about the person who had made the reservation. Susan Alhadeethy (a lovely helpful person who was sorry I had been harassed), of the Airport Limousine service (206) 551 9477 told me a woman using my name and phone number had placed the call. This kind of blew my theory as I was imaging that the person making the phone calls was the same guy that had started stalking my friend Rosemary just two days earlier.

The second form of harassment I experienced was also a fake identity over the phone situation but this one took more time and involved the use of Craig's list. I received a call from a man named Jay who said he was calling me because I had responded to his ad on Craig’s list. This man was kind enough to read the text of the email to me, it was " I need you, I want you , Call me right now!" with my name and phone number. I am grateful that this man was brave enough to talk with me for a moment. I explained that while the contact info was mine, I had not responded to his ad on Craig's list. I apologized for the inconvenience and wished him well. It was 11:20pm and I was at SeaTac airport I had just gotten off a delayed flight from Detroit, MI. Through out the day I had been receiving phone calls from blocked numbers and private numbers, I would say I received about 6 of these calls. When I answered the phone I said, Hello this is Teri Ciacchi can I help you and the person on the other end of the phone would hang up. I do not know it this is the same person or many people but I do think it possible that they could have been other people, like Jay , who had been given my information as If I were responding to a Casual encounters ad on Craig's list. Fits in with the stalker dude profile I think, I wonder if it's that guy?

The third form of harassment has been much more alarming as it intentionally incited fear and upset. People made calls and sent emails to the Caretakers of the Ballard Odd fellow’s hall complaining about the Kinky Carnival being held there and intentionally misrepresenting my work. Below is part of the text of an email send to the caretakers by a man claiming to be writing on behalf of himself and his wife. The email address given is: "Jim Stuart"
And this is the partial text that I am most concerned about:
" This woman, Teri Ciacchi openly advertises a sex business on the Internet (pretty stupid), seems to have a house of prostitution, but calls the staff "sacred intimates". Lt. Eric Sano, commander of the Seattle Police Department's vice unit has been aware of her operation for sometime and had already received numerous other complaints about this public sex event you are having May 10th. I think you will be getting some press on this that will not be favorable."

Now I immediately want to defend myself. And refute each part of these false accusations and I may do that here in my blog if I have time later today but I am pretty busy trying to get the Carnival together in the middle of all this harassment. Those of you who are familiar with my work as an internationally known sexologist and sex positive therapist and know how that differs from prostitution can immediately see why this type of harassment alarms me. I am going to file a second police report today based on the contents of this email ( which I received last night). I also now have a partial log of the phone calls that were made. It seems that people giving the following names called the caretakers on Monday afternoon May 6th, same day as I got the taxis and limos sent to my home: an alleged George Houser called on behalf of himself and his wife, an alleged Serene Jacobson called and then a woman calling herself both Mary Skyler and Mary Carter and giving the phone numbers 425-455-8820 and 206 555-9822 called the caretakers twice on Monday and again yesterday morning. She also placed a phone call to an officer of the Odd fellows Hall on Monday afternoon. In addition to making the accusations about me being a prostitute and running a show of live sex acts and besmirching the community of Ballard with my dangerous sexy self, these people claimed to have received a flyer sent to their homes. What I believed actually happened is that they found this blog and read it out loud to the caretakers as if it were something they had received in the mail. I have not seen an actual flyer and I did not mail anything to anyone’s home.

The callers have promised a protest and to call the police etc. ad finitim ad nauseum. I have called the police and called the reporters. The Caretakers of the Odd Fellows Hall have been informed not to take any more of these calls if possible. The Lodge master of the Odd Fellows hall has assured me they will not pull the event. The Grand Lodge master has issued a press release in support of my renting their venue. I am giving an interview on KIRO radio with Erin Covin this afternoon. I am going to stop typing this email in order to do a couples counseling session and then I will return to the work of generating the Kinky Carnival.

It's Kinky Carnival TIme!

2008-04-22T09:09:00.000-07:00

Wow, It's almost here: The 4th Annual Kinky Carnival!
Saturday May 10th $25 at the door

It's being held at the Ballard Odd Fellows Hall at 1706 NW Market.

Check out this article about last year’s Kinky Carnival
"Kinkfest provides a room to romp If your curiosity, um, is aroused"
By ATHIMA CHANSANCHAI P-I REPORTER

We have 2 new booths: Bite: Receive a bite on your area of choice
Ask: No question too Kinky, no non Kinky question too strange.
in addition to all the regulars: Kiss, Cuddle, Pierce, Whack,
Sensation, Rope, Submit, Zap, Yum, Pierce, Confess, & Ground.
We are so organized this year! And the performances are better
than ever, Moorea Mallatt, Adra, WIll Wright with D,J, Lui Ying.
Tickets are available at Babeland, WIld at heart and on line at
Brown Paper TIckets!

Life in GreenLake

2007-11-26T23:17:00.000-08:00

Last posting was in July after my Vipassana retreat. many many events since then. I was diagnosed with Endomitrial Cancer on Sept 9th and had a full hysterectomy on Sept 27th and was moved into a new house with roomates Beckie & Robyn on Oct 1st. SO many things so swiftly. Now it is the very end of November. Robyn has moved into a new house in West Seattle and Stuart is moving in with Beckie and I here in Greenlake. I have been immersed throughout my illness and recovery in the Landmark Education program called "Introduction to Leaders Program". This means that for 10-20 hours a week I study and intern to become a Landmark Home Introduction Leader. It is a new skill set for me that really calls for new behavior in many areas of my life.

I am struggling with medical bills as I had no insurance and still needed to get the operation that removed cancer from my body. I am grateful that they performed the operation without requiring money up front. I know I will find a way to pay for everything but honestly I am now strugggling to make sure that worry about money does not recreate the energetic place of being physically ill. I believe I am learning a great many things on a deep level of consciousness that I cannot articulate well. I know that I am learning these things because my behavior is changing and my reality is changing and I am keeping up with it. In Sept I was living in a studio apartment by myself on First Hill. Now I live in a luxurious house with a spa tub and a garden next to a big lake. The house is called The Center for Embodiment and it is definately a place where community occurs.

Stay tuned for more info soon.
Blessings,
Teri

Is it July already? Vipassana's Sacredly Activated

2007-07-09T17:08:00.000-07:00

Summer, Blessed Summer is here! I am a Leo baby ( August 1^st ) and always feel my best in the summer!

I have some lovely experiences to offer you this week and sincerely hope you’ll join me: Holistic Peer Counseling Thursday, Temple of the Open Heart for Women Friday, Brianca’s amazing video on Saturday and Wicked Strip on Sunday! Sex Positive Community and Emotional well being for everyone, Hooray!

I am freshly mentally flossed from my 12 day Vipassana meditation retreat. Vipassana is a very pure, simple form of meditation which is believed to have come directly from the work of Gatama the Buddha.

My dear friend Jude went with me and we spent 10 days doing a rigorous routine that went like this: awake 4am * meditate 4:30-6:30am * breakfast 6:30 free time until meditating again 8-9am * meditate again 9am-11am * Lunch 11am-1pm * meditate 1-5pm * tea & fruit at 5pm * meditate 6-7pm * discourse video with S.N. Goenka 7-8:15pm * meditate 8:15pm-9pm * questions with teachers * lights out at 10pm Sleep. This was my schedule for 10 days. Oh yes and did I mention you cannot talk except: 1)to ask the manager for something when you have an emergency need such as a flashlight or 2) to have a private or public question with the teachers. For the first three days you are simply focusing on the natural flow of your breath in the small triangular space between your upper lip and around your nostrils. This is called anapanna. On the 4^th day you actually learn Vipassana which is focusing on physical sensations and becoming neutral about whatever cravings or aversions arise in your consciousness. On the 7^th day there begins a focus called “fierce determination” where for an hour on three separate occasions you attempt to not move your arms and legs or open your eyes.

I learned a LOT about how my mind works. I learned without doubt about all of my physical addictions and my overall levels of fear, desire, love and self-acceptance. I had one long experience of ecstatic bliss accompanied by a vision and physical shaking. I had many more hours of distraction and disappointment with my inability to focus on reality. I experienced my ability to overcome physical sensations and distractions. I got crystal clear on my flaws and my strengths.

I also enjoyed my amusing, bizarre and creative mind. There is quite the juke box in my head. I wrote a comic book, made up new Podcasts, redesigned my website, and came up with lots of new workshops. Such is the nature of desire in a human form. And hey, I survived and I feel really strong, maybe even a bit invincible, (anybody else hear a Helen Reddy song in there, geesh!).

I also had a wonderful time visiting my family in North Ridgeville, Ohio and deeply took in the 3 day Andrew Harvey workshop in New York. I am going to write about it all in more detail, so be ready to check out my blog again after a 2 month hiatus.

I’m glad to be back to my Seattle life. I am taking a deep look into my desire to have a stronger sense of family and thinking about intentional community again.

I forget I'm Holy and remember the Kinky Carnival

2007-03-09T12:22:00.000-08:00

Well sometimes I am just “in it”. I am not aware of being holy I am not well, I am depressed and cynical and disappointed in myself and other humans. This morning is one of those times. The best way to transform this is to express gratitude and appreciation for what I do have in my life rather than obsessing about what I do not have. Here then, is a list of what I have in my life and who I am being in my life. Last night in the Living Passionately seminar I am taking at Landmark, Michelle Buchanan asked us to answer the question, what is our life being used for.

I immediately said that my life is being used for Human Liberation and Sexual Healing.

My life is being used for Human Liberation and Sexual Healing. I have gratitude and appreciation for my ability to do this work and for being given the opportunity and skills to provide space for other people to heal. I held an Aphrodite Temple for 24 people over the weekend. Creating and maintaining Sacred Sexual space for people in a group of that size is challenging. It was a first time experience for all but 4 of the people who participated. A lot of energy was raised and continues to resonate in our lives from that co-created experience. I am grateful for the gift of being able to channel Divine energy at this level.

I have safe and stable housing. I have an abundance of money which comes to me from doing my true life’s work which is the transformational work of sexual healing and the liberation that comes from this healing.

I have an amazing strong and unending connection with my family of origin. I know they are there for me and love me fiercely.

I am deeply loved and held as a healer and spiritual teacher by an unknown ( but definitely large) number of people. I have been able to be a loving influence in their lives.

I am given an ongoing supply of ideas and deep intuitive knowing that provide the inspiration for my classes and workshops.

I can invent and then co-create amazing community events like the Kinky Carnival and know that literally hundreds of people will enthusiastically volunteer to manifest it and hundreds of people will attend and have meaningful and potentially transformative experiences.

This list is the tip of the iceberg and now I feel very present to my value and worth in the world.

Today I am working on the Kinky Carnival, getting it up off the ground. I am excited!

If you want to get involved in the Kinky Carnival as either a volunteer or an attendee please contact me.

Reverently Sex Positive by Teri D. Ciacchi MSW

2007-02-19T17:22:00.000-08:00

The following essay was written in direct response to an article by Jim Goad entitled "Positively Sex Negative" published in the Feb 07 issue of Seattle's Underground magazine. The underground is a magazine full of adds for erotic events and services whihc has advertising from Seattle Erotic Art Festival ( via the Wet Spot) local burlesque troups and other performance artists and erotic photographers etc. You can find a copy in a coffee shop near you in Seattle ( well for a little while longer at least). I was so offended by Mr. Goad's article that I called the magazine editor John Voge and after a few conversations wrote this response which will be published in the March 07 issue.

“Ridicule is generally made use of to laugh men out of virtue and good sense, by attacking everything praiseworthy in human life.”

Joseph Addison

As the creatrix of the TerraFire Academy of Aphrodisiacal Living, , my life work is creating a sex positive culture that is respectful and empowering for all people. Obviously "all people", includes people in wheel chairs, people who are HIV positive, fat pagan women like myself, and unfortunately even Jim Goad. In his "Positively Sex Negative" essay, Goad solidly aims his ridicule at people whom he identifies with the term sex positive. As a person who has been intentionally building sex positive culture for more than twenty years, I assert that Goad is ignorantly attacking the very people who have made it possible for him to have a forum of free speech on sexuality that is openly available in public venues. In the 1980's, right here in the good old U.S. of A, it was not okay to have a magazine with explicit photographs of women wearing fetish gear in the lobby of a coffee shop, or the local Sex Positive Community Center. What's that? You've never heard of the S.P.C.C.? Oh that's right, you probably don't belong to the Wet Spot, (which now has over 9,000 members), because you are sex negative. Still it is in the lobby of this amazing non-profit organization that I found your hate-mongering article.

Lest I be accused of being from a "protected background" with a trust fund, (and where the hell are you from with your predictable misogynist, able-bodied, prejudicial ranting?), I will begin with data regarding my origin. I am from an Italian, German and French, working class, blue-collar family in the rural outskirts of Cleveland, Ohio. My father was a concrete foreman whose true love was drag racing. In her late thirties my mother worked at McDonald's to afford classes at the local community college. Just last month she retired from her decades long work in the procurement dept of the U.S. Navy. I am the only person in my immediate family to have college degrees and I got them through the blood sweat and tears of my family's work ethic. I created and continue to run my own business providing counseling and adult sex education classes. My expertise in the field of sexology comes from 10 years of providing sexual healing, adult education and counseling. And yes, as a matter of fact, my work does provide liberation for people. Freedom from not only the " rusty shackles" of Puritanism but also the poisonous cages of self-loathing and isolation that cause them to project their loathing onto others in the form of verbal, psychological, physical and sexual abuse.

Now, what does sex positive mean? Dr. Carol Queen offers this definition: "Sex-positive, a term that's coming into cultural awareness, isn't a dippy love-child celebration of orgone – it's a simple yet radical affirmation that we each grow our own passions on a different medium, that instead of having two or three or even half a dozen sexual orientations, we should be thinking in terms of millions. 'Sex-positive' respects each of our unique sexual profiles, even as we acknowledge that some of us have been damaged by a culture that tries to eradicate sexual difference and possibility."
Excerpt from "Real Live Nude Girl: Chronicles of Sex Positive Culture" © 1997 Cleis Press

Sociology is the study of human society, and the field of study where the history of social change movements can be found. Anyone wishing to learn about this can read these books: Feminist Theory from Margin to Center by bell hooks, Dismantling Privilege by M. E. Hobgood, Race Class and Gender, an Anthology By Andersen & Collins, the Sociologically Examined Life by Michael Schwalbe and many others available in public libraries.

Sex Positivity is one of the most recent developments in a legacy of human rights campaigns. The sex positive movement has its roots in the civil rights campaigns of the 50's and 60's. I owe my passion for sexual liberation to my study of Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Emma Goldman, and others who bravely followed their own conscience when the culture they lived in opposed it. As a sex positive activist I am aligned with the feminist and gay liberation movements I grew up in and the transgendered, intersexed and gender fluid civil rights movements of today.

"None are so hopelessly enslaved as those who falsely believe they are free.” Goethe

Incest, rape, sexual assault, abuse and harassment would not exist in sex positive culture. The term sex offender would be obsolete. Being raised in the mainstream culture of the U.S.A. provides social indoctrination that predisposes people to have experiences of sexual oppression, exploitation, and repression. Relationship role models are based on non-consensual domination and submission. Sex is a commodity that is bought and sold rather than an act of intimacy or pleasure freely exchanged. We use and are used by sex in order to find acceptance, approval, punishment and reward rather than moving into sex from self-respect or honoring acts of lust as a natural impulse.

Goad's writing is a perfect example of the immature, empathy impaired, average American male representation of sex. A dangerous combination of impoverished sexual self-esteem, limited and unsatisfying sexual experiences, inability to investigate authentic desire and a refusal to believe in the possibility of other perspectives. Like a boy with no skill in ejaculatory control he squirts his opinions at us without concern for where they land. As if the mere fact that he can come, and his rooster crowing assertions of virility give him any stature as a sexually desirable human being. Proclaiming who you want to fuck as worthy of having sexual existence and who you do not want to fuck as unworthy of sexual existence is neither sex positive or sex negative, Mr. Goad, it is simply narcissistic.

2007-02-06T23:25:00.000-08:00

Greetings Divine Beings:

Imbolc, or Groundhog's Day with a full moon in Leo was last Friday Feb
2nd. Imbolc is a lunar Wiccan High Holy Day. It is a time of
"Quickening" when the flame of the spirit reenters the Earth element.
Wow what a great day to get recharged. I had a great evening staying
home and getting organized. I also had an opportunity to listen to a
CD
of Andrew Harvey's talk fro the 6th annual conference on Shamanism and
sacred sexuality. Several of my friends attended and I am inspired to
go next year. I also had seen a DVD of his keynote speech. Thanks to
Dawn F. for giving me access to these as well as 2 CD's of Margot
Anand.

Andrew Harvey is a Gay Mystic, Tantric Scholar and radical
environmentalactivist who holistically ties many threads of body and spiritual
practices together. He is a true visionary who explains in his work
that the purpose of practicing Tantra is to attain states of bliss
thatawaken our beings/consciousness to our immanent divinity. He calls us
to do this work so we can awaken and tend to the environmental crisis of
the planet at this time. The Earth as the Divine Feminine, the Mother
Goddess is suffering due to the lack of balance between the masculine
and feminine. This theme continues to be repeated in my presence over
the last 2 months. I feel called to give myself to the cause of sexual
healing even more urgently. I am going to be more fully expressed in
offering my work and these messages to the world this year. I feel
both inspired and supported.

Today I spent the afternoon in a support group for Urban Priestesses.
Women who do energy and light work, women who do sex work, women who
do whole body healing, and women who are allies of these works. I had the
delightful experience of hearing from these women that they were aware
of my work and had been hoping to meet me. One woman even expressed
that she had first been exposed to open sexual exploration at the
Kinky Carnival. She attributed her current work to attending that event. I
was so moved.

I am more and more present to the impact I actually do have.
I feel strong and proud and blessed and seen. I want to let all of you
know how much I appreciate your interest and support of my work. If
there is anything I can do to further encourage your sexual healing
and sensuous liberation, please let me know.
In love and gratitude, Teri Ciacchi aka TerraFire.

February Offerings from TerraFire Academy

Temple of the Open Heart: Education for Ecstatic Being
Friday February 16th 7:00-10:00 pm $20
& Saturday February17th 1:00-5:00 pm $40 ( both for $50)
Friday March 2nd 7:00-10:00 pm $20 Fri evening only
At Temple of the Senses 6529 Latona Ave.

Teri Ciacchi and Ki Rohn lead you into the Now Moment with activities
that bring your awareness and focus back into your
body. We will be dancing, eye gazing, heart connecting, and learning
other simple powerful practices that will increase your intimacy
building skills, celebrate the ecstatic nature of your body and
acknowledge
the divine source within us all.
Please feel free to call or email to register or ask questions.
Ki Rohn is a Tantric masseuse who practices in Vancouver B.C.
www.massagebyki.com Teri D. Ciacchi MSW is a counselor and sex
educator in Seattle

"Get What you Want!": Flirting skills for Everyone
Sunday February 18th 5:30 to 7:30pm $20
Wild at Heart 1111 NW Leary Way in Ballard

Flirt for fun! Flirt for Friendship! Flirt for Sex! Flirt for
partnership!
Flirting has many intentions and all of them are valid and uplifting!
Do the people you flirt with enjoy you? Learn the body language
signals that are universal indications of interest. Become
conscious of what your own body language is saying, and also how
other people read it. Practice flirting in a fun and safe place. Trust
Teri to show you how being sexy can be fun!

My Funny Valentine with Allena Gabosch & Teri Ciacchi
Tuesday February 20th Erotic Seattle Education Salon
Dinner 6:00 pm discussion 7:00-9:00 pm FREE
Capitol Club 414 E Pine St (Cross St: Bellevue Avenue)
Let's create a light-hearted discussion of sexuality at it's most
hilarious.
Share your own humorous sex stories or tattle on others. Lost condoms,
"misplaced clitori", bad lube choices, getting caught "red-handed and
red-faced" in the act; you know you've been there. Join us for an
evening of sex positive laughter and hilarity.

Rage Release Workshop with Teri Ciacchi
Friday Feb 23rd 7:00 pm-10:00 pm $20
Home Alive studio 1415 10th Ave 2nd floor Suite #3
Teri Ciacchi leads this workshop specifically designed to allow for a
deep catharsis of anger. Participants will work in groups of three
with
boxing gloves, safety pads and punching bags to release pent up
frustrations and rage. Safety precautions and instructions on how to
have healthy release will be covered. This workshop is perfect for
people who know they are angry and easily triggered. Most of us
have never had a safe place to let go without fear of retaliation,
judgment or blame. Here is your opportunity to begin a journey towards
wholeness and self-acceptance around anger. Don't wait until you
accidentally explode and cause yourself to lose a job or relationship.
As with all other TerraFire Academy classes this workshop is open
to all genders. Because of the psychological impact and healing nature
of this workshop pre-registration is required. People who have not
previously worked in a counseling or teaching relationship with Teri
will need to have a phone consultation with her prior to the class.

The TerraFire Academy of Aphrodisiacal Living:
Sex Positive Revolution: One Orgasm at a Time
(206) 612-3511 blog:

A Common definition of love

2007-01-15T23:05:00.000-08:00

Here is my response to the seattle polyamory group postings defining love from 1/ 13/07

Yikes, the idea of love being "putting someone else's needs before your own", gives me the creeps. I think that is called fusion, (a polite term for codependence).

Here are the definitions of love that I teach in my classes and counseling practice:

"To truly love, we must learn to mix various ingredients- care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, as well as honest and open communication."
bell hooks All About Love

"Love is the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth."
"Love is as love does. Love is an act of will-namely both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice.
We do not have to love. We choose to love."
From The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck

It is my belief that unless we are clear in our language about the definition and meaning of words, we are not truly communicating.I strive to share or co-create a definition of love with people I want to be in intimate relationships with. I have learned with both pain and ease, that the term "polyamory" does not mean the same thing behaviorally to others as it does to me. I have actually begun to question whether the term is useful. I wonder, in fact, what words are useful without being defined???? I know that I definately have loving relationships at various levels of intimacy with more than one persons of more than two genders in more than 5 varieties of sexual acts and more than seven prefered role playing scenarios with over 10 toys and tools involved. Is that polyamory?

I'm not sure. I do know however, for myself, that it is not love if it does not involve stewardship of my own and another's personal growth. "Love is as love does" and requires behavior that goes above and beyond my ego-identified "wanting". The great thing about defining love is that it can then be enacted clearly and specifically. You can see if your behavior and the behavior of others is in line with the definition. If it falls short you can set out to learn the skills that are lacking. So love can become a skill that is developed. Most of the time our culture acts as if love is a mysterious cloud of FATE that we accidently fall into and become enchanted by. OOPs, what was that I stepped in?
With a little attention and intention we can commit to being love/loving. Using the hooks definiton we can go through each word and see where we have skill and where skill needs to be developed.

Let's take a minute and look at "open and honest communication" one of the 7 ingredients bell hooks requires in her definition of love.
It might be for example that a person does not have the skill of self-awareness that allows them to be in open and honest,(meaning, loving) communication with another. They might have had experiences that lead them to chose to withold information or deliberately "spin" information in the hopes of avoiding rejection or winning approval.A person at this level of development needs to become self-loving and self-accepting before they can be in honest and open communication with another person. They will also need an emotional spaciousness, a place of safety and respect where they can look at and be with their own internal process. They will need an environment where they truly are not being judged in order for them to have the experience of being accepted. If I am not certain who I am or how I feel, if I am not communicating openly and honestly with myself, how can I communicate in such a manner with you? I cannot. If you are "demanding" that I communicate honestly with you there is already judgment present that may inhibit my ability to speak the truth. If love is to be present, there must be room for every one to: 1) look inside and examine their experiences and 2)have a safe environment that allows authentic self- expression without punishment or reward. That's all for now!

Blessings,
Teri D. Ciacchi MSW
podcast: blog:
Creatrix of TerraFire Academy of Aphrodisiacal Living
Creating Sex-Positive Revolution, One Orgasm at a time.

Immense gratitude for Podcast & $1,000 in 24 hours

2007-01-15T00:52:00.001-08:00

Jan 15th Blog entry
Sex Positive Revolutionaries, Visionaries, and Sexplorers

1st Podcast available on the web
I am so excited, Allena, David W. and I just completed our 1st podcast yesterday. It is our intention to do a new installment every 3 weeks. So here it is, Please check it out and give me your feedback. Please forward it to all your friends. It was so much fun to make, I hope you will find it fun to listen to.

http://web.mac.com/tazie
is the web address for "It's a Weenie White Boy World" podcast Episode #1
you'll have to cut and paste because apparently this blog does not support adding links.

Causing Miracles
I decided to be outrageous and "completely unreasonable" after attending my Landmark Living Passionately seminar last Thursday night. I had heard about an amazing internet service opportunity which would allow me to have everything I need to run my TerraFire Academy business website, blog, email etc, including the bandwidth required to support our new podcasing. If I paid $1000.00 by Monday January 15th, I could receive the services I needed (actually quite a bit more than I can currently utilize but will gladly grow into) for life. That's right for the rest of my life, or the life of the company whichever comes first. My beloved friend David Besonen helped me find this opportunity and facilitated the entire process. So I needed to find $1,000.00 by Midnight Sunday Jan 14th (tonight). I decided on Friday morning to call David B. and get all the info I needed to attempt to cause this miracle. I wrote a script detailing all the reasons why supporting this effort financially would be a good idea. At 5pm on Friday Jan 12th I started making phone calls. On Saturday Jan 13th at 3:30pm I had reached my goal. Tomorrow morning I will sign up for these services.

"Thank You!"s

Here are the people who made this miracle occur through their emotional and financial support: (Initials are used when last names will cause potential "outing" problems.)

David Besonen whose computer consultation resume is at: http://digitalrelief.com

Allena Gabosch, David W., Heather R., Gordon N. Rev., Rainbow Love, Eric J., Robyn Lynn, Connie Perez, Mistress Marry, Lisa, Vickie & Carrie Lynn at Wild at Heart, Kristin R., Susan H., O'Rion Barker, Jim B. who provides my cel phone, Gabriel A., Ki Rohn

Thanks to the following members of my Landmark family who sourced my attendance at the Living Passionately seminar, which sourced the energy to perform this miracle: Paul G., Rachel E., Justina, Allena & Heather

I also want to thank all of my counseling clients and people who attend my classes and workshops. You make my life work. Thanks for your support of my work! If anyone else would like to provide financial support for the continued expansion of my business please keep reading.

Yes, I want to deepen my support of sex positive culture

Yes, I want to continue and deepen my support of sex positive culture by supporting the work of Teri Ciacchi the TerraFire Academy of Aphrodisiacal Living.

This is an invitation for you to more deeply contribute to building sex positive culture through empowering my life work. My life work is "creating a healing sex positive culture that is respectful and empowering for all people". Being a contribution to meeting my goal is an opportunity to feel fulfilled, acknowledged and valued. This is an opportunity to be known as an advocate for sex positive culture and to connect to others doing this work. I will promote your gifts to me by acknowledging you in my newsletters on my website, in my podcasts or in any other manner you request.

My goal for TerraFire Academy this year is to go grow from my current ability to reach 877 people (current number of people receiving my email newsletters) to 8,000 through website, newsletters and podcasts. I have started creating the "weenie white boy world" podcast with
Allena Gabosch & David W.

Here are some of the things I need to grow my business.

I have a new laptop (thank you Alicia Powers!!) but need a Windows XP operating system. Does anyone have one?

I am currently looking for a website graphic designer. Any suggestions of people who provide these services or offers to help provide the service your self would be gladly accepted. I need to raise the funds to pay for this service.

I want to send out twice monthly email newsletters with graphics and pleasing easy to read text fonts. This will require me to either, pay for more education and learn to do this myself. Pay an internet email newsletter company to do this, pay some other geek who knows how to do this to do it.

I also would love any or all of the following items, I mean hey, why not ask? A blender, a toaster oven, a crock pot, a scanner, an i-pod, a blow dryer

So here is what I am up to. Anyone who wants to deepen their support of my work is welcome to do any of the following:

1) Gift me with any amount of money they wish (from $5.00 to $1,000.00)

2) Consider giving me a specific amount of money which will be used as payment in advance for my services*, you will then get coupons for the specific amount given. These coupons will be honored across any amount of time until you have received services equivalent to the amount paid. Coupons will be valued at the rates I am charging when the coupons are redeemed. Please see below * for a reminder of the vast array of services I provide.

3) Loan me any amount of money so I can meet my goals to have a new working laptop, and a new website with much better graphic design. My preference would be to get no interest loans. I am however, open to negotiating any form or repayment that is workable.

*My services include all of my classes and workshops, individual or couple or "adult family of choice" counseling sessions, and mediation. Coaching and emotional support for any life situation and ongoing goal setting and achievement. Teaching of communication skills, dating and other relationship skills. Consultation on how to do fundraisers, and any other business info relevant to how I have built my business up from $12,000.00 top $31,000 in one year are also included. My esoteric services include Natal Astrology charts and interpretations, Tarot readings, ritual consultation and enactment.

Polyamory, Non-Dualism & the Ego-identified self

2007-01-12T02:24:00.000-08:00

WhatI posted to Seattle Polyamory Yahoo Group list Jan. 11,2007

Polyamory, Non-Dualism & the Ego-identified self
Identity, Morality, Personal Freedom, Projections, and Judgments, all of these themes are running through the correspondence on sea-poly for the last few weeks. I frequently read the postings but rarely write. I just returned home from a Landmark Living Passionately seminar and found myself making a commitment to be more fully alive. One way that I interpret being more alive is that I will actualize my potential to connect and communicate with others in dialogue (albeit written conversation rather than 3-D) rather than just reading and engaging in my own monologue.

An underlying theme in many of the posts is Dualism. The dominant world religions are dualistic. The religious doctrines of dualist religions have created the dualistic paradigms that we have been socialized in. Most of us do not recognize that dualism is culturally imposed human structure. I have a BA in Human Ecology from a private women's school in Columbia Missouri ( 1983, hey, I did say I am 44!). I became an Eco-feminist there. I learned academic language there. I used to call dualism a "false dichotomy". I think I got this from reading Shalimuth Firestone or Marge Piercy or Simone De Beauvior or some other "smart chick". When I use the language I learned at school it tends to alienate me from others so I have been looking for simpler words.

Late in 2006 I went to see Kate Borenstein, the famous queer author, activist and gender warrior. She taught me to say "Either/Or" Thinking. Let's simplify all of this and look at the idea that whenever a person or social structure asks you to chose between two things, to make an "Either/Or" choice that such a choice is a false choice. It is a false choice because there are always more than two options. Non-dualism is difficult to talk about because our language is completely structured around dualism: Good/Bad, Boy/Girl, Poly/Mono, Gay/Straight, Nature (that is to say: Biology)/Nuture (that is to say: Sociology). Our language is inadequate to our experience. Our stories are borrowed and passed onto us, written and lived out by those before us. Antiquated concepts that no longer serve us still confine our thinking and our conversations, and thus our reality: to what has already been.

What is there beyond "Either/Or"? How about Holism, which is easily represented by "Both/And" thinking. In 2003 Jean Robertson created a handout called "The New Context Conversation". I attended a workshop at the 2004 Network for a New Culture Summercamp by Geoff ____ ( not recalling his last name, famous documentor of Intentional Communities), & Lotus Allen where we discussed the profound differences between "Either/Or" and "Both/And" paradigms. I would be glad to share this document with anyone interested. I will bring copies to the Erotic Seattle Education Salon Allena is doing this Tuesday (16th) at the Capitol Club.

"Both/And" Identity
My conscious, intentional, self-defined ego identity lends itself to "Both/And" constructs. I am "both" Bi-sexual and Pan-sexual as there are more than two genders to engage with. I am "both" monogamous when I am starting a deep soul connecting relationship, (I used to say "primary partner" here but I am now actively seeking non-hierarchical words for the different levels of connectedness and intimacy I persistently seek) and polyamorous in my intense but spacious BDSM connections. I tend to want "both" a wide variety of sexual acts to engage in with many others "and" to keep the intimacy of penetrative acts to a chosen few people.

Recently I have been re-reading Rainer Maria Rilke's essays and fiction. I have also been digesting the work of Eckhardt Tolle. It occurs to me that all of our identities and ethical/moral judgments are based on ego-identification. Our ego's are extremely attached to naming and defining and creating a "false" sense of control. The ego is afraid of death and creates an orderly universe where things are judged as "Either Good Or Bad", "Either God Or Devil"; "Either Free Or Captive", ad finitum, ad nauseum. On and on our little squirrel brain egos natter, endlessly dividing "All That Is" into two narrow boxes that are "essentially" different and inherently seperate. So the main issue here is not actually what is better, best or more evolved as an identity. A concern I have recently become personally fascinated by is: why do I chose to identify primarily with my ego-based self, the "It" that constantly speaks in my head and acts as if "It" is all there is? It is the ego which creates a false sense of separation that has developed into "Either/ Or". Isn't it possible that we are "both" our ego identified little self "and" our inner Immanence or big S Self?

I have come to the realization that one of the reasons I am so motivated to have sex and engage in BDSM is that they shut off my "squirrel brain". During sexual acts and BDSM scenes I become so Present, so in the NOW moment that I leave my ego identification and enter my Essence identification (or hang out in various unspecified trance states in between). I love these moments so much that I have built my life around creating such events with other people and trying to teach them how to reach similar states. It took me quite a while to figure out that for some people leaving the ego identified self is terrifying rather than pleasurable. Oops, well, at least I figured that out. I am now in the process of trying to have Essence identified experiences "both" during sex "and" while engaging in other everyday activities. Not because sex is "good" or "bad" just because I love diversity, flexibility, fluidity and all those other "both/and" things a hedonistic sex positive woman wallows in. If you want to experiment with me or share your own experiences, contact me.

About me:
My name is Teri Ciacchi, I am 44 years old. My life work is to create a healing sex positive culture that is respectful and empowering to all people. I currently identify as a polyamorous bachelorette, ( Warning/Disclaimer: this identity changes daily with my mood and who I am with in the moment). I identify my ancestry as Italian-American although I am also German, French and Bohemian. I make my living as a Sexologist, Therapist and Sex Positive Educator. My business is "The TerraFire Academy of Aphrodisiacal Living". I started "Erotic Seattle Education" LLC with Allena Gabosch and Pan Vera in June 2006. I over use CAPITAL LETTERS and Title Case. If you want to know more about me because you do not already know me you can check out my website:

Sex Positive Revelations for 2007

2007-01-03T22:39:00.000-08:00

Why not commit to living a more playful sensuous ecstatic life?

Join me in co-creating a culture based on a Love Ethic that increases the amount of closeness, intimacy and pleasure available to everyone. I have been doing a great deal of inner work in the past few weeks. The "Holy-Days" are usually a time of darkness for me that hold at least one episode of spiritual crisis. The last days of 2006 brought me into a deep awareness of my own fragility. I saw clearly that I had a choice between a) "surrendering to what is" in my most intimate relationships or b) continuing to suffer and create drama as I fought to remain attached to how "I think it should be". I found myself able to choose surrender and in doing so, I experienced an inner reservoir of graciousness and peace that I did not know was possible. I challenged myself to live by the definition of love that I teach in my classes and counseling practice:

"Love is the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth."
"Love is as love does. Love is an act of will-namely both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice.
We do not have to love. We choose to love."
From The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck

I walked my talk. I chose to become a more loving and empowering presence in the world.

In the spirit of my deepening commitment to world transformation, I ask you to read what I am writing for you here with a sense of curiosity and an open mind.

What would it be like to live in a world without sexual shame, fear of rape, assault or abuse? Wouldn't you like to find out? Many times when I sit down to write to you I wonder if I am really being of use. I am aware that people have judgments about sex positive culture. How is talking about jealousy in a public forum useful? Why investigate a self- repressed desire to be dominated or to dominate? What could be important about looking into an unpleasant childhood incident of guilt or embarrassment? Is it clear to you that attending to your personal sexual healing can be the cause of transformation on both an individual and societal level?

Part of the hazard of doing sex positive work in a sex negative culture is that people discount or disregard sexual healing work. Sacred Sexuality is seen as unimportant, frivolous, or even a contradiction in terms. A great many people are seriously distressed, suffering from the belief that they are un-loveable, un-desirable or permanently damaged in some way. For many of us, these internal messages were generated in past experiences of abuse that have not been fully cleared. Traumatic incidents lodge themselves in us as energy blockages and create what Eckhardt Tolle (author of The Power of Now, Stillness Speaks and A New Earth) calls "the Pain Body". Most of us are run by our ego identified self which thrives on our pain body. We are unconscious, disassociated and emotionally distressed. We are unhappy, dissatisfied and certain that this is "as good as it gets".

Why is it important to attend to our own healing, sexual and otherwise? We are living in a time of "Inconvenient Truths" (thank you Al Gore) when human suffering and narcissism has driven other species into the fastest rate of extinction since the coming of the ice age. We are living in a time when the earth's capacity to sustain "life as we know it" is becoming questionable. These concepts are no longer apocalyptic conspiracy theories; they are a glaring scientifically evident reality.

There is a direct connection between our ability and willingness to consciously inhabit our bodies and our ability and willingness to attend to the Planet's well being. Sexual wounds are often the deepest and most repressed wounds of all. Conversely, when we shine the light of conscious aware attention on these wounds a powerful and holistic energy shift can occur. Releasing ourselves from the past allows us to become present in the here and now. Until we attend to and accomplish our own sexual healing, the World; the actual physical Earth we live upon, cannot have our conscious attention. Sexual Healing is now the existential responsibility of every human who is interested in having human evolution be a part of the Earth's future.

Fortunately it is possible to heal through play, pleasure and sense awareness. Sexual Healing does not have to be an ominous re-traumatizing process. Some of the simple tasks at hand are: 1) investigating where we are silent and choosing to speak, 2) seeing where we are numb and bringing our attention to these places, 3) listening to each other and finding we are not alone, 4) holding a compassionate space, within for our selves and without for others, to be seen and witnessed, 5) asking for, offering and providing physical affection as an end to itself.
With all of this in mind, please consider participating in the events I host or teach by visiting www.terrafire.org, or create and invite others to Sex Positive events of your own.

Why I haven't written for a week

2006-12-04T23:12:00.000-08:00

I have been reluctant to write for a week because I want to share myself in my blog but I am struggling with what level of privacy I want to work at. I am fine living my large and outloud life transparently. I need to be aware of the impact this has on my loved ones and the level of privacy they may desire. Confidentiality and consent are usually things I consider, or try to. My relationship with David W. is in the middle of a big transition. I want to talk about my life here and, I don't want to expose him to an unwanted level of public attention. So I have chosen, until now, to not discuss our transition. David is a huge part of my life. He is a brave and courageous man who has consistantly shared his truth with me whether or not this truth is pleasing to me. Last Sunday he shared that he no longer wants to be my primary partner. I was delighted to have him as my primary partner and am saddened by the change in the status of our relationship.

All week I have been on an emotional rollercoaster of grief and appreciation. Monday morning I wake up in a strange state of elation. I feel good, really good and strong. I know I haven't done anything "wrong". I know David loves me and I love him. I'm busy and I do my yoga and my water aerobics. I see my clients, amazing co-incidences occur. I make dates with old friends and lovers and reach out to make new connections. Tuesday I spend half the day immersed in a sense of freedom and pride that I can love someone enough to honor and respect their choices even when those choices are not to be with me. I spend the evening crying about the vision of the future I had become attached to. I call friends and get counseling and throw myself headlong into my work. I start to answer phone messages since before Amsterdam and say yes to activities and friends I have not made time for since the intense and deep romance with David started in February 2006. I miss David, alot. I start smoking cigarettes again. I lead my salon discussion about Sex Positive culture in Amsterdam.

Wed, I cancel my Holistic Peer COunseling class due to the impending snow storm and miss an opportunity to spend time with David because I have already made plans to have a girls night with Dawn and Priya. Thursday I see clients all day and have dinner with Michael S. a lover of my dear friend Caledonia who now lives in Washington D.C. Thursday night I call David and talk to him for an hour about his Landmark Self Expression and Leadership project. We focus on the important life works we are involved in and how we can support each other in staying engaged in these projects that inspire us and call us to be the best of who and what we are.

My psychic network is obviously working because in the course of this one week four of my former lovers call to ask me how I am doing and reconnect.A wave of the past is washing over as I am also reconnected to Ann Wood and Pam Dougherty who were in the band "The Art Sluts" with me in 1984-1986. Ann and I exchange a lot of email and a long phone call and we patch together a lot of the bands history. I will be writing a few blogs about the Art Sluts.

On Saturday I attend the closing session of the Landmark Wisdom Course and we talk about how the Eternal (which I call the Divine) has access to and through us in the following three models of "ALL THAT IS": 1)through World/Art as beauty 2)through Spirit/Being as an inquiry into Truth and 3)through Language/Community as Human Goodness. We were to make a choice between which of these 3 called to us most strongly. I could honestly not decide. Allena whispered to me that it was Being/Spirit as she saw me. I was in a wonderful emotional space where things apppeared quite beautific. During the event I was full of gratitude for David's beauty and goodness and how his self-inquiry allowed him to share his truth with me. I truly saw our transition as an opportunity for repose and relaxation. I was in a place of peace and full of amazement at the level of love and intimacy we have been able to exchange. Afterwards I went to the Hotflash dance and met up with some of my wonderful lesbian friends. I had a very deep conversation with my friend Tari that put my daily ego concerns in their place; petty and small concerns in the face of life and death matters.
Yesterday, Sunday, one week since David told me about his desire to change our relationship status. I am really doing well all day. I hang out with Diana and look at houseboats and go to the Ballard Market. I get my new laptop from Alicia for $50 and Diana offers me an operating system. I teach my "Owning Desire" workshop and it goes really well. I get home and see that his parents have sent me an email with pictures of their new puppy. I remember how much I enjoyed Thanksgiving with them. I cry until I fall asleep.

Today, I do yoga and go through the public library afterwards. I see advertising for a performance art piece called "The Maze" is occuring at 6:30pm tonight. I see clients,I go to Howard Hansen for a body talk energy medicine session.I am glowing and peaceful. I meet my new friend Treeza at Travellers and she tells me about the Peace Walk from Seattle to New York that she did a few years ago. We meet Gabriel at the public library and watch the performance art which is very stimulating. We have to go to different locations all over the library following a handbook of instructions (each person's is different). Each location has a different installation, some are dancers and some are just well, live installations I do not feel like taking the time to describe in full just now. And, really, you just had to be there. Actually you can look up a whole bunch of cool performance art that is happening throughout December by going to www.4culture.org There is some really wonderful stuff going on. One of the things I really like about Seattle is that there is so much accessible art here. So Teereza gets on her bus to Tacoma and Gabriel and I have nachos at Charlies and I come home and write this blog. I miss talking to David as we used to talk to each other everyday. Years of experience have taught me that this too shall pass. I know in my heart that our connection and love for each other is strong. I ultimately have faith that wherever this is leading, where I am is exactly the right way to be in the Now moment. Patience dear Teri, patience and treat yourself gently.

Re-entry Blues and Owning Desire research

2006-11-25T19:56:00.000-08:00

Bumming out
I got up around 6am, after being awake and making lists of things to do for quite a while. Decided I wanted to do research for my class "Owning Desire" next Sunday Dec 3rd (it's 5:30-7:30pm at Wild at Heart 1111 Leary Way NW in Ballard (206) 782-5538.

I am feeling a bit depressed. I think, now that I have slept off all the jet lag, I am a little sad to be back in my "regular" life. I do love my wonderful life, but being in another country on vacation was so extraordinary that waking up in my bed alone was not so great. I also tend to worry and obsess about my relationships. I want to know "where they are going", I want to ensure they are intentional. I want to eliminate my occassional sense of dependency and fear of abandonment. I want to feel and expereince pleasure and desire without pleasure and desire becoming the central focus of the relationships. Such a hard task for the incredibly hedonistic and self-centered pagan being that I am.

I went to the Starbucks 3 blocks from my house at about 6:45am, because it is a business that is open at that hour. I read an article by Willow pearson of the Integral Institute ( associated with Ken Wilber ) about the construction of desire. Fascinating breakdown of social interactions into: a spiral of time, levels of development across four quadrants, and lines of growth/variation within quadrants. Took me a while but I found myself able to imagine and then see this holistic model of life whihc is postmodern as compared to the "common" consensual reality of "Either/Or" reality that dualistic paradigms impose on us. I will use the division of desire into 4 quadrants in my work. Had a very interesting conversation about sexuality and desire with a homeless woman and a magnet salesman, quite fun.

I moved to Cafe Septieme for brteakfast at 9am and began reading a 2004 issue of the Buddhist magazine Tricycle. The issue is devoted to "the Riddle of Desire". It turns out that not all Buddhists advocate the elimination of desire. In fact, from what I learned in this series of articles; Buddhism is requesting that we be present with desire, neither repressing nor rushing to fulfill the yearning or obtain the object which is being "sought after". The idea is to be fully with the desire, notice its location in the body, see how and where it arises. To come fully into the emotional experience of desire itself and just "be with it" seems to be the goal. I consider learning this practice. It is shown that several people, using this technique find the desire shifting and transorming into other feelings and memories. Reaching an understanding of the origin of these sensations/feelings seems to help some people release their attachment to desire. They still feel desire as one of the many feelings humans continually experience, they just do not act on the compulsive pull to fulfill the desire.

There are several other aspects of desire I want to explore in this class. I want to more fully understand and teach about Polly Young-Eisendrath's distinctions between socialized tendencies to be either sexual objects or sexual subjects. She suggests we be more intentional and feel freer to move between these two poles.

I will also be re-reading and integrating Jack Morin's book "The Erotic Mind" which helps people look at the personal historic origins of their sexual tendencies and fantasies. Another way to frame his book is that it looks at how we come to identify desire for ourselves. I will merge this with my own concepts of "sourcing authentic desire" which for me means looking critically at any lack of continuity between what we say we want/ what we actually do sexually/ and what the common culture "will allow us" ro desire without punishment or other negative consequences.The ability to look behind the things we have been socialized to desire is rare:
Here are a few stereotypes we are all familiar with: "titties and beer" (huh, huh said in a stupid male adolescent accent like Bevis and Butthead), or young "barely legal"porn stars with blonde pony tails in videos, or Tall dark and handsome secret agents, or built up muscular gay man with a big dick etc etc etc. These are the images blared at us from every orifice of the media streams we live within.
Is there a difference between what we are taught to desire ( and thus "must" desire in order to conform to the culturally appropriate gender we have been assigned at birth) and what really turns us on physically? My understanding is that desire first arises as a physical sensation in the body, as all other feelings do. MOur culture is so body phobic and sex negative that many of us are numb and unaware of our somatic expereinces.Many people need to be brought into awareness of their own bodily sensations and be able to identify them as feeling states. Desire can be a very uncomfortable feeling especially when it is associated with weakness and potential rejection. How do we reclaim desire as our own? What is a sex positive framewrk for desire? How do we own desire and act on it without being swept up into an endless state of sexual yearning that threatens to overwhelm us? How do we learn to temper our own desires and get our needs met when partners do not share the same desires or sexual drives?

As a fat woman; as a counselor; as a sex educator who is very sexually active and a self described intimacy slut and sacred whore, these questions have been a focus of mine for some time. Most people who become my lovers have either deconstructed their desire before meeting me or end up doing so as a result of being in relationship with me. I really do not like to think about the number of times I have heard from a lover that I am the" largest person they have ever been with" This conversation is boring and predictible. I had even told one of my lovers that I never wanted to hear that and he forgot and said it to me any way. Sigh. I am not a person that is attractive to people who are steeped in the "common" mainstream lifestyle. Or this has been my belief/conversation for a long time. My relationship with David W. comes as close as I ever have to challenging this notion.

These are the topics and realms I wish to explore with the people who attend next Sunday's workshop.maybe you'll join me. I would also be glad to receive email with any commentary on these inquiries:

I have spent the afternoon and evening writing about and contemplating these things at Jeff and Rukh's house in Columbia City. Now I will go out and have a drink before turning in for the night. I am really looking forward to brunch with Connie tomorrow morning!
Blessed Be!

Back in Seattle Wed 22nd & Turkey Day

2006-11-25T18:58:00.000-08:00

Jim and I returned to Seattle on Wed evening one hour after the time that we left Amsterdam very strange, very jetlagged.

Terrible plane ride back several screaming children, an intense headache that made me cry for about 15 minutes. The worst part of an otherwise amazing trip.

Went right to bed after unpacking suitcases. House was beautiful because of C.D. and Kristen who had come over to clean and fix things in my absence. Called Kristen to see if she would come over. Feel asleep until he got there around 6pm or so. Gave her all the cool clothes I bought at a discount store. Two very goth skirts, one shirt with a photograph design of roses all over it. Two pairs of incredible Italian stockings; one violet full length with spiral design, one calf length turquoise with geometric design. So cool! We ate some chocolate hedgehogs and taked a bit. It is not a mistake that I am changing gender pronouns for Kristen. I will explain her genderfluidity in some future blog entry.

Kristen left and I went back to sleep until David W. came over. Before I left to stay over at David's house, I gave him all the presents I bought for him, including a little red enamel teapot and, (ta da! the best gift of all) a new butterfly knife with bird's eye maple wood on the handles. David has a knife collection that he is very proud of. I have really come to appreciate knives and started my own collection. He gave me my first knife ever as a birthday present this year. He got quite a few other presents from Amsterdam that I don't feel the need to list. He seemed very happy.

David was very loving and physically affectionate with me. He really took care of me all night, (and the next day too), and I felt loved and cherished. I packed what I needed to spend Thursday and most of Friday with him and we went directly to his house in Renton. We made ravioli and defrosted some of my excellent marinara sauce. Lovely dinner. We laid in front of his freplace for a bit and went to sleep.
We stayed in bed for an incredibly long time in the morning snuggling and playing and talking. We edited my photographs from Amsterdam and then it was already time to go to his parents for Thanksgiving. I talked to my mom and my sisters in Cleveland ( my brother is hard to reach), which is a Turkey day tradition. Found out my little sister Geri has a website for her Janis Joplin tribute band:Ball & Chain! Check it out at:

Meanwhile back at my partner's parents house: wonderful dinner, relaxed low key evening eating great food and watching "Hidden Dragon Crouching Tiger". Such a beautiful film but I had forgotten what a tragedy is. Fortunately David's mom handed me a tissue at just the right moment.

Friday morning we ran around doing errands: fixing my cel phone by getting a new charger, trying to find David some new blue jeans. Suddenly it was 4pm and time to part. I went back home had several long phone conversations with people I had to tell about my Amsterdam adventures! Went to sleep, it was only 8:30pm.

Last Tram in Amsterdam

2006-11-21T16:01:00.000-08:00

Today was the last day to explore and really be with Amsterdam. I kind of want to go home and I kind of want to stay here. I miss people in Seattle, and I am aware that I have only experienced a small slice of the whole Amsterdam Pie. I am also really not looking forward to the jet lag, ugh!

(Almost the) Last Breakfast in Amsterdam
We got up around 9am knowing that the breakfast place we have chosen is open at 10am. We get there close 10am. I did not bring my umbrella and 1/2 way to this place ( only 6 blocks or so from the houseboat) it starts to hail. I am upset about how wet and cold I get. We get to our lovely Mediterranean deli owned by a beautiful man and his son. Jim and i had lunch here yesterday. Jim had a lamb brookjie ( sandwich ) with garlic sauce. I had this little lamb meatloaf patty and something that was a cross between a croissant and stromboli. Mushrooms, peppers and onions on a thin crust, like a pizza, but rolled up like a burrito and then baked. Delicious!

Wow, I really want to finish this post but I'm in the houseboat and my feet are freezing. I have socks on and I turned the heat all the way up but it is not making a significant difference. I will put a towel on the floor and if that works, I'll keep writing otherwise it will have to wait until i get home.

Okay there is a towel on the floor and I'm still cold so we'll see how long this lasts.

Back in the deli Jim and i are having a lovely conversation with the owner, most of it translated by his 20 something son. I have asked where to get all these lovely little coffee spoons that they have everywhere. The guy actually goes in the back of his store and comes back in a few minutes with spoons. He offers me the spoons and they are some really lovely ones with inlays and designs. Jim and i explain that we need ugly dirty spoons for an art project. We tell him we are going to Albert Cuyptmart and he tells us where to buy them inexpensively. After chocolate croissants and tea we go 3 doors further up the street to a lovely chocolate shop. I am not going to tell you what I got because i want to surprise several people. Suffice it to say that I spent an unreasonable amount of money on an unreasonable amount of chocolate. Yum! We go into a few discount clothing stores and get some stuff. Kristen is going to love me when she sees what I got her !!! We realize we have too much stuff to carry and i still want my umbrella. Jim keeps looking at shoes and i head back to the houseboat. I unload and am ready to leave again but no Jimbo. I decide to leave anyway and meet him on the path. I communicate that i am going to go to the graveyard down the street to take pictures. Jim will meet me at the Tram stop.

The graveyard is very old and lovely. There are headstones from 1901 and up. Vines everywhere. I take a lot of pictures. There is a young couple eating lunch. There bikes are parked in a space between trees that leads on into the horizon, a field, a pond and an incredible sky with wonderful cloud formations. I take a lot of pictures. I am frustrated with the flash. I want to ask David to teach me more about cameras soon, so i can achieve the results i want. I meet a Dutch biology teacher who tells me what a special place it is. he comes there on his horse a lot. Today he is just on a bike. He tells me about the artist who lives in the house on the property. he tells me there is a book coming out about the graveyard early in 2007. he tells me about the 800 apartment complex being built across the Schnikel canal and the roadway they are going to put in between the houseboat we are staying in and the graveyard. I am sad about all of this. I leave and walk to the Hoofenstraat square. Jim finds me and we go to Albert Cuypmarkt.

Albert Cuypmarkt

The biggest and oldest outdoor market in Amsterdam is 101years old. Jim and I have a lot of fun and buy stuff. Jim eats raw herring with onions. The idea of it grosses me out but I try some. Jim reminds me how much i like sushi and I realize i am being ridiculous. I may write more about what happened at this market when i get home. I do not want to tell the people I got stuff for what I got them. I went to the spoon store and bought 120 small caffe spoons for 20 euro. This is a great deal. I now have enough spoons for 120 more copies of my Dirty Spoon chapbook. They are the perfect size! This makes me incredibly happy! Jim and I leave the market 2 hours after arriving. We take a Tram to Central Station. We think we are going to the museum of Modern art called the Stijlmuseum ( this means Style). When we get there we don't wanna go anymore. We decide to split up and keep shopping. I go to a store called "Old Man" I can't tell you what i got yet there. What a tease I am. I realize i look like an outrageous ( my hat and scarf are "very dramatic" as one of the lesbians commented), middle aged tourist from America. I realize that I am an outrageous middle aged tourist from America, and "so what?"

I get on a #2 Tram and go back to the square by the houseboat. i decide I want to go to a pub and have a beer and some authentic Dutch food. I have two Amstel Bock dark beers and a wonderful meal with beans and sausage and a fried egg, there are also pickle slices and pickled pearl onions. I enjoy it. When i comment to the waitress how everywhere I have gone there has been American music she puts on some traditional Dutch music ( see how accommodating they are here?).

I get home and Jim is there already watching TV. He is surprised I arrived after him. he is wanting to get ready for the palm reading he is doing at 9pm. He met a guy on line the other night and arranged to meet him and his two friends for dinner. I decide I want to go to the Deco Sauna and get a massage. We both pack our bags first. We leave together on the tram and split after two stops. I am anxious that I don't have enough money so I get off at the Dam where I know there is a money machine. I get back on the tram for another stop and head to the Deco Spa. I find it adter some struggle. It is on a residential street ( like most of the coolest things are). It just has a tiny sign. I walk down and enter the door. I am greeted by a nose full of fragrant moist air. It is amazing in here. Real Art Deco. Go see the website, you'll be amazed www.decosauna.nl

As it turns out getting on and off the tram for the money was a mistake. i had enough money and They close at 11pm which means people stop being in the sauna and getting massages at 10:30. I have arrived at 10:20 . She won't let me in. She gives me the name of another sauna and says they are open til midnight. i go as fast as i can across two more canals and cobblestone streets. The Sauna Kaizer is also closed and only open to men from 7pm-Midnight anyway. oh poop! Now i am tired and disappointed. I decide to stop and rest and look around and just take in what is there. I drink in my surroundings. I take a few more pictures. I walk back to the kafe where Jim and I ate our first meal here last Thursday. I go in and notice there is a green man etched into the glass on the front door. I sit and drink two hot chocolates with kahlua. I talk to the bartenders. This bar is 250 years old. It is beautiful. The wood is so worn and dark. It is so comfortable. They have lit a candle at my little table. I take some notes for my blog entries. I leave slowly and get on the Tram. It is the last Tram i will take in Amsterdam. I come to the houseboat and start writing to you.

Goodnight! See some of you this weekend. Love, Teri

Jim's hangover, Searching the Joordan for House of Heads and Fotographic

2006-11-20T16:51:00.000-08:00

A Slow Start
Well, the day started off slow as I was up and ready to go around 10:30
but Jim had a hangover. I knew I could leave without him but I would not be able to communicate with him ( damn cel phone doesn't work!), and I so enjoy his company. So I stayed. I researched my travel books. I wrote more postcards.
I made detailed plans for what to do with our day while Jim recovered

Joordan shopping and strolling
I wanted to go to the one and only woman owned sex toy store that I knew of.Walking walking walking, and then we get to Female & Partners sex toy store. It is a lot smaller than i thought. It is smaller than my studio apartment! Lots of great fetish clothing I mean stuff that could be on a Sci-Fi movie set! The sex toys were scant really and the floggers and bondage gear were mostly for show. Once again I realize how fortunate we are in Seattle to have Babeland and all the independent artists who make sex toys, bondage equiptment and floggers and sell them at the S.P.C.C. Vendor Fairs. I am so spoiled!

Mistaken shop identity
We head off toward what I think is Fotographic because I want to find some photography for David. So we stroll a long way on many little cobblestone streets. Jim has used my marks in the Lonely Planet book to navigate and 45 min later we arrive at a very closed NationalPhotographic Museum. Oops! I look and see that the store I want, Fotographic, is not even open on Mondays.
We stop at Tulip Museum and get some bulbs for Priya. We stop for some tea, hot chocolate and appletarte (pie with whip cream!)in a pub. We take lots and lots of pictures. I stop in at the Jose art gallery, wonderful art!

We wander around stumbling on cobblestone and looking at canals

From Amsterdam

We look for the House of heads in the rain and get cranky. We find it! The heads are Demeter, Apollo, Artemis,Dionysus, Athena and Hermes

From Amsterdam

Tourists again
Got more postcards, ( did I mention I am sending a total of 74?), looked for chocolate at the very fancy and intimidating Department Store ( begins with a B). I wanted to get a chocolate letter for all of my dear ones. Jim got more info from the lady at the chocolate counter about Sinter Klaus. When we asked "why do you eat candy in the shapes of pigs rats and frogs?" She did not know. So far no one seems to know. The pig is made of Marzipan and is eaten over time slowly. The Chocolate letters are to put in the children's shoes by the hearth.

At my insistence ( my knees really hurt) we got on an incredibly crowded #2Tram. Jim engages a lovely German named Felix in a 30 min conversation about languages. We get off the tram at "Hoofen whatever "and buy food from an Indonesian deli.

A healing from Marion
Get home to the houseboat where we are meeting a lovely lesbian named Marion. I met her at my class on Saturday and during our talks at the pub I found out that she does Alphawave healings. I listened to music and she talked to me and helped me do visualizations. i specifically worked on some of the sources of my PTSD ( remember when I got stoned how I was aware of being anxious). I felt a lot better after the treatment.

Jim and I think we are going to go out to the Melkweg (Milky Way) but I start writing postcards and he starts putting his photos on the computer and the next thing you know it is 2am and I am writing this blog. Going to sleep now. Oh yes, I Finished writing all 74 postcards. Yippee!

Who is SinterKlaus

2006-11-19T14:58:00.000-08:00

3rd weekend of November is the arrival of Sinter Klaus from Spain, with all his blackfaced helpers. (slaves?)

Dec 5th is Sinter Klaus Day (like his birthday some say)

Here are some pictures with captions written by Jim. (more from me on this topic later)
CLICK ON THE PHOTOS to read the captions - and view the rest of our Amsterdam Photos posted so far.

From Amsterdam

Bailing on the Wisdom Course & preview of SinterKlaus

2006-11-19T13:21:00.000-08:00

Sunday Sunday

I am publishing this now but I will come back to this post to put in missing info later on.

During my conversations with the Wild Side dykes last night I connected with Katie Weille PhD about her research into BDSM. She wrote her PhD thesis in Psychology on upgrading psychologists conversations around BDSM. Basically why it should not be pathologized. Tania gave me a copy of her Thesis summary and connected us by phone so that I could meet with her at bagels and Beans at 9am.

I get up at 8am to get ready and inadvertently wake Jim who decided to go with me. Before Katie gets there Marg from Denmark, who i shared a tsaxi with Sat am, stops to chat on her way to the Wisdom course. We talk and several other Wisdom people go by offering greetings and smiles. I am starting to feel like a jerk about not going. I know I am completely out of integrity and I don't care. I am belligerent and defiant and about 3 I think. I tell Marg to tell the staff i am not coming and I am now free to spend the afternoon as a tourist. I want to see SinterKlaus.

We meet Katie but realize that no food place is open before 10:00am. End up back at the houseboat for toast, tangerines, tea and a dynamic intelligent conversation about paganism, polyamory and BDSM and the cross over between Sci-Fi geek and gaming communities in those sub cultures. Katie's research is really interesting and I am hoping to get a complete copy of it. A few of the chapter titles are:

After our fabulous conversation with Katie, Jim and I hed up to the Leidseplein for tourist-like activities like eating freshly made donuts ( boojeries???) and buying souvenirs.

We decide after going to a few stores including Art Unlimited postcards where I buy more than 30 postcards ( I have 74 people to send postcards to!). We are waiting for the SinterKlaus arrival and paraded at 2:30pm

We decide now is the time for our CoffeeHouse experience. We find a mellow uncrowded place called World Chillage and go in. I get a hash and tobacco cigarette and Jim gets plain marijuana. we both get small cokes in a bottle with a straw. There is a very detailed very colorful very hallucinogen-friendly mural on the wall. I get very high very quickly and need to do breathing and grounding exercises. now I remember why i don't do this. I decide to focus on the mural. I become very conscious of all my sensory input.
Click on the picture for more>

From Amsterdam

Teri is stoned...
I need chapstick, my back hurts, my eyes are tired. I feel "fuzzy". The colors on the mural seem super saturated. My eyes keep moving to another part of the incredibly detailed scenes-within -scenes wall length mural. I become aware of my squirrel brain looking for reasons why i can't relax. It takes me about 15 minutes to realize that I have a pretty high level of stress running in my body most of the time. I have come to this realization after reviewing every reason my brain runs at me for why I cannot relax and enjoy what is happening.

I think about where we have to be next?: nowhere actually. I think about, Äre my relationships with X ,Y, and Z safe?, Do I need to do any relationship maintenance?"the answer is No, Äll is Well". I think do I have any bodily needs to address? No. I think about PTSD and how I talk to my clients about unaddressed physical trauma keeping them hyper alert. I remember I am my own client and my own counselor. I start to breath and ground and do energy work again. The mural is helping me. I say to Jimbo "We are on vacation right?" and I can be as relaxed as I want for as long as i want right?"" he answers affirmatively. I am surprised to witness my own search for reasons to be stressed. SinterKlaus is coming at 2:30pm and it is now only 1:00pm. There is nothing to do and nowhere to go and i finally relax. Wow, it feels really really good.

Sinter Klaus
Now this is only a preview of "SinterKlaus; because this is where I am going to tell you what Jim and I experienced in the parade. The next post ( #6) will be some background on who SinterKlaus is, his mythology and some details of his story. I wanted to go to see SinterKlaus at first because it was in my Lonely Planet guide as a public event that occurs on the 3rd weekend of November. I then saw picture on posters and in store windows of SinterKlaus looking like a pope and these bizarre caricatures of black people in weird historical Dutch outfits. The outfits are (of usually only two) brightly contrasting colors: purple/yellow, or red/green . The hats are puffy round and then gathered around the head like a grandmother hat in fairy tale depictions of Little red Riding hood. The hats have feathers. The drawings are mostly cartoon like. I am immediately somewhat alarmed because this positioning of a white religious authority with cartoon distortions of black people could appear to be racist. The caricatures remind me of the Cartoon mascot of a native American that is the logo for the Cleveland Indians baseball team. This logo has disturbed me since I was 18 years old and is the source of an ongoing debate between my mother and I. Mom loves the Indians baseball team. She is very loyal.

So I have identified a political issue or two behind the lovely mixture of Christian Saint and pagan traditions that SinterKlaus is. I ask a lot of people about SinterKlaus. I talk to the Wild Side lesbians, I talk to Katie the sexologist, Jim and I talk to the owners of the Art Unlimited postcard store. Now Jim engages the help of a local family in unlocking the keys to who and why the Zwart Piets exist.

One of the great things about traveling with Jimbo

From Amsterdam

is that he will start talking to people next to us and ask them questions and 10 minutes later they are our friends and we have gotten a free lesson on Dutch culture of geography or politics. We stood next to this lovely heterosexual family with 2 children . The man was Dutch, the woman was from Mexico. Her sister and brother in law were there too. Her sister had just moved from Mexico but she has been here for 4 years. There are two boys one is about 4 and the other is maybe almost 2. Lovely. The little one is on his Dad's shoulders most of the time. The 4 year old is morphing various posies on the metal crowd control barrier the Police have set up in front of us. We are waiting for SinterKlaus and the Zwarte Piets. We wait for almost an hour before the parade begins. The parade goes on and on. When Jim and i sit down at a restaurant afterwards it is 4:45pm. During the waiting, we play with the kids and get the family history and Jim gets us a full blown education on SinterKlaus and the political implications of having white people wear black face and gold Imperial hoop earrings. Now what do I mean by Imperial earrings? I mean earrings just like those worn by people who were forced into slavery. I mean real historical Africans who were stolen from their homelands and shipped like possessions to the colonies of Imperialist countries where they were tortured and terrorized into being captive free labor for their oppressors.

Now that we are clear about the ambiguity and confusion the Zwarte Piets present back to the Parade. We are waiting, my knee hurts and so does my back. We are on uneven cobblestone streets pressed up against children and parents and other curious clueless tourist and we are all excited , we have that "what is about to happen?"anticipation. Jim and I start noticing, discussing and then taking pictures of children who are dressed as either SinterKlaus or Zwarte Piets. The children have costumes like those I described above and the ones playing Piets either have ashes rubbed on their faces or have a completely darkened face. We find this fascinating.

Above the Leidseplein Square where we are standing is a castle like building with a balcony. Suddenly in what seems to me to be an ear splitting volume, a man in red vest and white shirt is yelling into a mic about Are we ready for SinterKlaus. of course it is in Dutch but his questions and tome are unmistakable. have you been good or bad? Will the Piet's be giving you cookies or stuffing you into a sack? Good questions like that. He introduces the parade and keeps talking, introducing the parade sections as they come and go.
The parade has hundreds, no exaggeration here, hundreds, of Zwarte Piets, all either on Roller skates, on parade floats or marching in marching bands. The first hour of them do not have sacks with treats in them. There is a very well executed parade band which has a great s-curve spiral dance type marching formation. They stop in front of us to do thier dance piece. There outfits are half white and half black ( is this a reference to the Winter Equinox?). They are very good. All the other musicians ate Piets. There are a few and I mean less than 10 cars or non float vehicles in the parade. I do not understand the floats, one has a mammoth puppet on it that is ridden and driven by a Piet. One has a cannon that "works by shooting out candies". Why a cannon? Why a mammoth?

The second layer of Piets have sacks full of these little hard spice cookies. They have a special name I will look it up. It begins with a P__________.

The Piets now roller skate towards the children who are even more ferverently clinging to the metal crowd barriers. The kids are holding out hands, bags, and hats to get treats. Everyone is yelling Zwarte Piet, they start a refrain of Peit"s that make them sound like chirping birds waiting for worms. Next to us the mother from Mexico is doping her best to make sure everyone is having fun. She pushes my hand out to get the cookies. She grabs the flags when they come by and gives one to me. She is singing out and calling to the Peits and gosh darn is her kid getting a lot of cookies. She grabs the arms of the Piets and pulls them towards her for a few moments to flirt with and harass them . The initial moments of surprise or alarm the "Piet's have when they realize she is not letting go of their hands is entertaining. many of the Piet's although captured by the woman, flirt with Jim who is their height and hovering over myself and the other woman taking pictures. This is really a lot of fun.

The Zwarte Piets are all white people in black face makeup. It is startling that almost every one of them have intensely blue eyes. All of this Piet stuff goes on and on. I start to whine and say Where is SinterKlaus. The Piet's start to lead us in songs that every one else seem to know. They all sing along loudly and reward us with more cookies. Finally, Finally, I can see a guy in red on a white horse coming around the corner. There he is and he is beautiful. Long white beard and hair pope, I mean Saint hat, a golden crook and a speck less gorgeous white horse.
The parade is over and we rush off to find a place to pee and sit down. We end up in a Thai restaurant that is so so food wise and very very slow service wise, which was fine with us. When we leave we split up and I come to the houseboat to write postcards, ( better get on that, I did 26 and have 48 to go) and type this blog draft. Jim just got dressed and left for a night out in the Red District, Full report on that tomorrow.
Thanks for your interest in this blog and if you are reading it, why not post a comment so I can have feedback about the content and style of my writing.

I will come back to this post to put in missing info later on but for now, I got to get some sleep!

Benefits of Wisdom & Sexy Body! Sexy Mind! at Wildside

2006-11-19T12:51:00.000-08:00

I am publishing this now and I may not come back to this post to put in missing info later on.

Woke up wrote short blog. Got to bagels & beans bought b-fast Wisdom course guy David from London comes into Bagels & Beans to get coffee. He is in a Taxi and asks me to join him, we pick up Marge from Denmark" as she walks by us.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention, my phone doesn't work here. I took it to Cingular before I left to check but alas, the woman had the wrong info or something because it doesn't work here.

Wisdom
Review of top 5 benefits of Wisdom course. Review of all weekends their terms tips and course work: Play Fun Ease, freedom from the past, happiness, making things happen by pursuing your dreams, growth and development.

Idea that is the responsibility of all Wisdom participants to upgrade the conversations in their network of Conversations to ensure the conversations contain the intent for growth and personal development. Identify your language communities commitments, what values do their behaviors display. 3 hour integrity exercise with two other people: Paul from London and Pieter from Netherlands. Funny I just now realized in writing their names that this big old pagan girl was hanging with Peter & Paul. That would be Peter, Paul & Teri ha ha

Frustrations: my expensive coffee disappeared. I did not know there was a special place3 to leave things and indeed only the staff has access to a kitchen area where things will not be thrown away. No orientation to where other belongings can be stored. A woman came up and asked my why I did not have my homework. I started to explain why i had not brought it and why: I've already done the weekend. I got all A's. Then I stopped myself and said, "look, I don't need to justify this with a story, I don't have my homework with me and that's that. Afterwards i was extremely irritated. I tried to go to the bathroom, to leave the room about 20 minutes before the end of a specific session and the woman at the door told me I could not leave. we argued I stayed for 3 more minutes and I left to go to the bathroom. After the days session while they were setting up the room for the conversation and the community event, I tried to use a phone no one in the office could help me I tried for about 20 minutes. I was trying to reach Jim to see if he was coming to the event or had made other plans. I ask a guy in the lobby who is in the course if I can use his cel phone and offer him money and he says "I decline". I am frustrated, go back to office, cry and then begin to laugh a lot at the ridiculousness of it all. Decide I am too upset to stay and the fact that I can't get a hold of Jim means I should leave. Realize I had best leave time wise as it is now 6pm and i am teaching at 8pm meeting Tania of the Wild Side at 7pm in Joordan district

I really enjoy getting to the COC. I take the #2 tram and get off to walk around in the Dam area and buy souvenirs. I feel safe and strong and confident. people help me when i am disoriented.

Sexy Body! Sexy Mind! at theWild Side.
I get to the COC at 7:10pm. meet Tania and several other lovely women, who help me set up the space for class.
8-11:30pm Teach the class successfully, lots of yummy intelligent emotionally present dialog, everyone relaxed and open after the body blessing ritual. have an amazing conversation with one of the women who is a healer and set up a session for Mon or Tuesday night. Alpha waves with music and energy work. Intriguing and soothing to think about. Go to a pub with seven of the women. The pub used to be women only and is now mixed genders. Meet a young Thai woman who has just returned form several months in South Africa. She is selling gemstone and glass bead necklaces she made. I buy one with malacite on it.

Talk and drink until the bar closes at 2:30pm. Go to a dark wooden Middle Eastern restaurant and get lamb with garlic sauce on Pita bread. Drive with three lovely women and drop off one at her hotel in Flower market district. Get a bit disoriented because I have unclear directions for the driver. Get to the houseboat at 3:50pm.
Jim is awake with a migraine. He tells me that he went to the Wisdom Course conversation. He had heard me laughing but could not fiond me, ( my cel phone is not working, right?) he stayed until the social started and came home with a migraine.
We talk until I fall asleep talking to him.

Bagels. Beauty and Becoming

2006-11-17T23:33:00.000-08:00

Bagels
Jim and I found a marvelous restaurant called Bagels and Beans. It is 4 blocks from the houseboat and a welcoming fresh food place. More details later as I must rush off to get there before going to Wisdom.

Beauty
Jim and I spent Friday morning in the Van Gogh museum. i will write in detail later but suffice it to say that I was transported by the beauty of the art there. i saw several works I had never seen before. I was deeply moved. i cried a lot. I realized that I am a person who reaches altered states of consciousness when exposed to beauty for a long period of time. Art heals. My favorite piece that I had never seen before is "Portrait of Guus Preitinger, the artist's wife"by Kees van Dongen from 1911. I will do my best to get a copy of the painting posted here on this page. The striking red background surrounding the proud and bold beauty of this woman is delightful. She wears a deep indigo blue dress and has one hand on her hip and the other hand holds part of a three strand pearl necklace.

So many Van Gogh's i believe i will always be moved by the tragedy of his life. I remain inspired and delighted by the genius and expressiveness of his work. I am grateful that he lived and painted, the world would have been less if his work never existed.

Becoming

Teri Smiling in Amsterdam

From Amsterdam

Got lost on the way to the Wisdom course, thankfully I had given myself an hour to arrive traveling from the Van Gogh museum. I traveled to the World Trade Center but needed to be at the World fashion Center. Fortunately it was a beautiful day with no rain and the walk took me through a park. I got to the center 2 min. before the session started. I cried for a few minutes several times at the frustration of being lost and "not Knowing". Later Jim showed me that the Wisdom course location is a very walkable 10 blocks from our houseboat. A #2 tram gets me there in less than 5 min. It is an odd coincidence that taking a #2 here will get us from the houseboat to where I am teaching and also to Wisdom... Hmmm. At home in Seattle the #2 bus goes by my house and takes me from Allena's in Queen Anne, to Kathy McKeever's in the Central District to Jimbo's in Madrona. My three best friends all live on the #2 bus. I love synchronicity.

Wisdom Course teachings today included the use of three models which when understood and viewed collectively can give humans a glimpse of how the Universe/Cosmos and "All of It" function.
There are three realms: World, Being and language. Becoming belongs to the Realm of World. World as in the concrete existence of things/objects. The naming of things, the ability to handle and move objects. The place where things actually happen, objects get moved, papers get filed etc... WORLD has temporal time as in past, present & future. Because time is linear in WORLD, the possibility of becoming and the idea of growth and improvement exist.

I am still becoming an adult around community events regarding directions and needing help when i get lost. I still am looking for a sense of support and help around coming and going and transportation. I know my partner David will be relieved to hear that I have emotional upset about not being able to go when I want to. I realized again that I do not feel safe walking alone in the dark in a city, even if a man tells me he thinks it is safe for me to do so."I got very frustrated and cried again when I failed to be able to get a ride to the Joordan ( where I was meeting Jimbo at the Sex Museum). I was afraid of walking in the dark through the park to the Tram station. Fortunately a German woman and an American woman from California both noticed my distress and offered to come with me as they also needed the tram. I am becoming more aware that I have young conversations about belonging and acceptance and isolation around transportation that need upgrading. I will think about this today in the Wisdom Course and move forward on these issues.

A little Nod from St.Francis in Amsterdam

2006-11-17T00:39:00.000-08:00

It is very beautiful here. I think I may want to live here for a little while someday. The buildings are low and narrow and very old. The architecture on many of them is just amazing. I keep taking pictures and I'm sure the locals think I am nuts. I am noticing that I want to take pictures my own way. There is rarely enough room in the camera lens for a "nice square framing" of the image. I am enjoying shooting things at angles and capturing part of buildings against the sky. I love the huge old pagan statues on top of buildings. The Royal Palace has Altas, Minerva/Athena and Diana/Artemis.
The very old 14th-18th century buildings are smack up against modern buildings. Everything is squished together. Most of the buildings are brick; various kinds of brick everywhere of different eras and a lovely range of browns and umbers and reds. Streets are brick and stone, very uneven. I find i must watch my step a lot.

Jimbo had his new shoes on yesterday and we headed off for our first walk and he stepped in a big pile of dog shit.. He was really upset and traumatized. now he won't walk where there are leaves.There are leaves everywhere. This causes some funny looking cautious walking.
LIKE THIS: (click on the photo to see more)

From Amsterdam

The trams go everywhere, as do the bike paths and cars. There are also buses. The different forms of transportation work well together. It is very relaxed. No accidents yet. It is mind boggling to me that the majority of people ride bikes, there are bike lanes everywhere and the bikes and cars are not at odds at all! It just is. In America there is such adversarial energy between bikes and cars.

Jim and I were exhausted after the not sleeping for 9-10 hours in a cramped plane. Still we wanted to g o out. We took showers and changed and found our way to the Joordan district. We found the PINK POINT info place, it turned out to be a little Kiosk building on the grounds of the WesterKirk ( big church). The pink point has all the free gay literature and souvenirs. What cracks me up is they have a whole bunch of stickers and postcards that are from Ephemera Press in Phoenix Oregon. I recognize the merchandise from when i owned my Baba Yaga's Dream coffeehouse in 1993-1995.

The biggest thrill though was seeing flyers with my name on it advertising my class for the Wild Side this Saturday. I think I actually Squealed, "Hey Jimbo look at this!" I grabbed a bunch to bring back for my friends. There was a lovely lesbian woman from New York who was a member of the Lesbian Sex Mafia ( no kidding a real and well known s&M dyke group). We talked for a few minutes and she asked me if I wanted to eat with her but Jim and i had just had lunch. She thought she might come too the class on Sat.

The homo monument was nearby: 3 sculptural pink triangles worked into the architecture of the walkway and a dock going into the canal. Geez, I thought it would just be a phallic object pointing at the sky. Hard to photograph it but I did my best. Saw the statue of Anne Frank but not the house. We agreed we could not handle it emotionally just then anyway. The last thing we saw before decided we were too tired and needed to go crash, was the Gay and lesbian center (COC) at 14 Rozenstraat. It looks like a great place to teach. large rooms. It was closed but the lobby was open and a woman who was just locking up chatted for a while. Two triptych paintings on the outside wall representing 3 women and three men, all naked all, I believe supposed to be people at concentration camps. Oh yes, by the way, i hope everyone gets that the Homo monument is a tribute to all the gay and lesbian people who were killed in the concentration camps. Right? Did you know that they were made to wear pink triangles on the outside of their clothes, the same visual sign of oppression that was used as yellow stars to mark Jewish people. SO that's why the homo monument is made of pink marble.

Just now I am typing from my room in the houseboat. About 6ft' of the room is under water. Then there is a little skylight that opens up onto the deck above. The skylight is about 6inches wide by 18 inches long. It opens. A boat just tugged by and It sounds intriguing. A new sound I am not used to but can easily identify. The houseboat is lovely.
It is very comfortable. The spiral staircase that connects three floors is made of a lovely old hardwood. We get the bottom floor which is the bedroom a hallway with a clothes closet and a really wonderful bathroom. The bathroom is white tile and the shower is open slate and tile with no glass doors. The shower head has a button so you can have super hot water. The shower head also is on a move able rod and can be held in your hand. I want a shower head like that cause it is really easy to wash "girl bits". Excellent for other "good clean fun" too (wink wink nudge nudge). Upstairs just inside the front door is a great little living room/kitchen on the main floor. The living room/kitchen looks out on the water. The water moves very quickly and throws a constantly rippling stream of light on the walls.

When we arrived yesterday around 10:30am after a harrowing taxi cab ride ( the guy went 70 km most of the way and cut off a lot of other drivers!), Ben greeted us on a main street and lead the way down a narrow walkway. The walkway is Jaagplan Lane. It is like a walkway in a park, covered on all sides by plants that make an archway over the path. Lovely blown and fallen leaves everywhere. Familiar plants of all varieties like Birch trees and Pampas Grass. Lovely flowers and flowering vines. We are about the 7th houseboat down the path. I like the way our houseboat looks the best. Jimbo was disappointed that the houseboat is not ours alone. I like living in part of some one else's house. It is like a bed and breakfast. Ben showed us the upstairs part where he lives. His partner Hans is gone just now,( I think he said Hans is in Tunisia! ? !).

Ben is Catholic and has these lovely authentic old hand painted statues of the Madonna and child and different saints. There is a Saint Francis statue in our hallway/. These statues remind me of my grandmother and I feel safe when i see them . I recognize them and feel that they recognize me. Did you know that the word numen which is the root of numinous means "To nod towards"?. Numinous is a word people use to describe an event or object that is full of "god energy". I like the idea that a word for describing the sacred means to be nodded at or recognized. To me this is about accepting the sacred as an ordinary thing, a spiritual essence that lives in everything (anima as in animism) and only needs the brief acknowledgment of a nod to be so. Like "Oh yes, of course we are all Holy" and a little wink is all we need to affirm this truth.

Live from a houseboat in Oud Zuid

2006-11-16T02:42:00.000-08:00

Okay, well despite my anxiety about flying in a plane for 9 1/2 hours, we made it here alive!
Euros are much more colorful than dollars. Right now a dollar is worth 78 cents. Our houseboat rental is the bottom floor and middle floor living room of a much bigger home. It is lovely and the doors from the living room are loovered ( sp??) so that you turn a handle and the top of the door swings out like the long narrow window on Seattle's public buses. Then you turn the handle again and it opens up on all 4 sides but is in a track and slides to the left. Very ingenious and very smooth. I love it. There are odd little greebs ( like ducks) or some similar water birds who are all black except for a beak with a shock of white on a startling red flat bill. Quite odd looking like a little cartoon. They are noisy and a bit demanding. seems they are used to being fed. It is very flat here and none of the buildings (so far) are taller than 10 stories. I like this horizontal leveling. We are in the Oud Zuid, or OLD South section of town to the lower left ( South West) of the center of the city. Jimbo and I are both a bit cranky from lack of sleep and close quarters on the plane. We have taken showers and have decided that rather than sleep, we will go out on the town. We will go to Central Station on a tram and then to the Joordan to visit the Pink Zone and the Homomonument. Yippee! They are right next to the Anne Frank house. I do not know if I can handle that emotionally today but we will see. Well. I will write more later tonight.
Love, Teri

No, I can't get you a prostitute or some Hash!

2006-11-14T12:47:00.000-08:00

Yes, I am going to Amsterdam. No, I can't get you a prostitute or some hash!
Almost all of my friends have requested one or both of these items in jest when I have asked them what they want me to bring them back from Amsterdam. Sheesh, Americans have no imagination. I am certain there is more to Amsterdam that drugs, hippies and sex for sale.Some of the things I am bringing back: tulip bulbs, cheese, cigars, erotic photography, magnets, sex toys (if I see something different that I haven't tried yet). Postcards, I need to send over 50.

I want to make this posting short and sweet.
I realized my very lengthy post this morning was way too pedantic/wordy and self-important. When I re-read it I felt a headache coming on.

As a comedic counterpoint I'd like to share what occured when I finally got up from sitting and typing for about 2 1/2 hours (dear god it really did take me that long to research and write those puny little sentences).

I got up from the computer and walked across the room to the bathroom and realized there was something funny about my left pant leg. I am wearing a new pair of jeans that I also wore yesterday. I woke up and put the jeans on and grabbed a shirt and started working on the computer.
So what, you ask, was wrong with my pant leg? I reached in there and pulled out yesterday's underwear. I laughed so hard I almost fell over. So much for Goddesses and Demons, I can't even sort out my own pant legs!

Have a crazy chaotic human day! I'll write you Thursday from Amsterdam!

words of the day "Apotheosis" & "Daimon"

2006-11-14T09:33:00.000-08:00

Well, well, my dearies, what have we here? ( said in the tone of the Wicked Witch of the West from Wizard of Oz).

I am packed and ready to go to Amsterdam. I have miraculously made time to do nothing but answer email and write blogs for the next 3 hours. I had an amazing weekend attending the Landmark Wisdom Course 5th weekend. I am about to repeat that weekend with the European "Landmarkians" in Amsterdam. While the course here is mostly full of people from Vancouver BC, Portland and Seattle. The European course is full of well, uhm, Europeans. Silly, I know it is one of those peculiarly American handicaps that I rarely think about world geography. How small Europe is geographically. I mean what if every state in the USA had it's own language and it's own government ( well states do ya' know...). What I mean is I will get to meet a great many people from a wide diversity of countries by going to a country that is barely larger than the geography of Seattle by itself. Yippee!

I hope to adequately express some of what I learned this past weekend here and my struggle for self acceptance.
I want to explain the title of this blog entry:

"Apotheosis": 1) deification 2) exaltation as of a person or ideal. Basically, Apotheosis refers to the act of turning a person or ideal into a god.

I had a lot of exquisite conversations this weekend. Many of the conversations involved people praising and complimenting me. I struggled with being able to take in the compliments and be present to my impact on others. I struggled against self demeaning thoughts and unwillingness to recognize my greatness. I wondered if people were actually seeing me or projecting some grandeur onto me that was not inherently there.
The compliments about my hair and my appearance were paradoxically the most welcome and the most feared. I did get a new haircut. I have been working out doing Yoga and Water Aerobics. I do look attractive and healthier. Simultaneously, my high school aged self was muttering responses to the compliments like: "What do they want?"; "Why are they saying that?"; or, "What was wrong with the way I looked before?"
My partner David has been telling me for weeks that I look radiant and that my hairstyle is "sporty". It is easier to dismiss compliments from the ones you love most because , well, they love you. More than 10 people told me they liked my hair. I guess my hair must be cool now. Ironically, it has been a joke of mine for the last few years that as I continue to find my Femme identity, I am still not able to "Have a hairdo". I guess I'll have to retire that conversation.

Upon reflection, I find that there have been many instances in my life when I have " fallen into apotheosis". Usually this synchronizes with when I have "fallen in Love". Hmm, really? Oh yes, of course, you betcha'. There are also times when I have a new concept or idea and I am certain this idea is the center of the Universe or can explain all things. In fact I made an art piece for Bruce Nealley in 1998 called Apotheosis when I realized I had once again left the center of my being to adore and idolize another human. Apotheosis. It is tempting to move the location of the divine out and away from your own core. So much easier to see love in another. So much easier to worship at an altar outside of the SELF. I need constant reminders to build my life around the core of myself. The Divine inside of me is the relationship that needs tending to when I am out of balance. It is just too easy to make another person your god and then beat them up because you are worshipping them. Ya Dig what I mean?
I also think that I frequently lapse into asking another person to fill spaces and do things for me that are not appropriate for another person to do for me. David Schnarch calls this being other- referenced. In his world the ideal is to be self-referenced. Being as spiritual as I am I sometimes prefer SELF-referenced or SELF centered as in "centered in SELF". For example, I say this every now and again to a counseling client or friend in need: Is it really ethical to ask another person to do something for you that you are not willing to do for yourself? I mean why should I ask Ms. X to love me when I am not willing to love myself. It is my job to "get right with the gods" and mend my relationship with the SELF and the Universe ( all that is). Why would I ask another person to do that for me? That's an inside job. Rainer Maria Rilke is a great writer to turn to to help explore these ideas. A book of his essays and poems called "On Love and other Difficulties" is very helpful for ordering yourself and preparing for "the work of love"

Saturday evenings during the Wisdom Weekend intensives there is always some sort of social event. Social events are opportunities to expand our network of conversations and to participate in our originating circles and to acknowledge and appreciate those in our lives who "give us our lives" by simply being in our lives. During the social events, in fact during every Landmark event, there is a time for Sharing. This means people get up to the microphone and talk about what has been happening in their lives. The ways of thinking and speaking given in Landmark Education are different from our common culture and definitely have an impact. Sometimes people have breakdowns and some times people have breakthroughs, these two perspectives are usually hot on the heels of each other.

On Saturday I was asked to share "What has the Wisdom Course given me". I told everyone present the story of "How I manifested my trip to Amsterdam" which you can read here as my November 8th blog post. I also told them a lot of other stuff which I will post here under a separate title soon. After my share several people came up to tell me how inspired and awed they were by my sharing. The next day more people said the same. One person in particular said that their guest who had never been to any Landmark events before asked " Do you think that's really true what she said about going to Amsterdam?". I laughed and realized that to some people, maybe a lot of people, my story could seem like a fairy tale. It may occur to people that I am lying or telling a made up story.
Frequently, when people hear or see something that is beyond their common experience they will either exalt or demonize the person or event. We are constantly , conditioned by our dualistic uber culture, evaluating all experience as if it could only belong in one of two boxes 1) good
2) bad. We are trained to be so judgemental that our ability to even listen to another person or experience life itself, is eclipsed by our brain making judgements and comparisons: "Is that true?" "Do I believe that?" "Did that just happen?" Our squirrel brains natter on creating a filter between ourselves and life itself. Good/Bad Male/Female Light/Dark Matter/Light it just goes on and on.
False dichotomy as my over educated feminist soaked brain is fond of spewing out. Kate Borenstein taught me to use a more easily digested phrase "either/or" choices. Realize that when you can only think of two options in a situation that you are living in the illusion of dualism. There are always more than two options, there is always more than two of anything. Think about that for a minute, okay?

Daimon is the origin or root word for the word Demon (etymological source: Latin. daemon or daemonium, Greek. daimonion:a guardian spirit). Daimon originally referred to a spirit of place that protected or guarded that place. As history rolled over the Greek and Latin cultures and brought the great dualistic and father idolizing religions into prominence, spirits of place were eclipsed by the " one true god". Daimons became demons and the animate world became an empty world of things, spiritless objects. Demons are now evil spirits. To demonize someone is to project evil intent or assign an evil essence to a person

So commonly when we are in the presence of a new person or new experience that challenges our knowledge base, ( the knowledge we had up until exposure to that new person or event), we are tempted to either elevate or denigrate that person or event. They are either a god of some kind, or a demon of some kind. Immediately our tendency to judge and evaluate comes into play and we compare ourselves to the person or event. " I can't do that", "I can do better than that". "That's good", "That's bad!" In a very simplistic either or culture this might become: "They are like god", "They are like the devil". we then look for ways to justify the judgemetn we have made.

"When I am good: Apotheosis occurs and when I am bad, I'm a demon".
Okay so what? What's with all the definitions and mini history lessons already?

Okay, I'll tell you, I'm trying to get to the point but it takes a little background.

When I was studying Ghandi in my peace studies class in Stephens College ( yes, 1981!), I really did not like Ghandi. I was a pleasure seeking pagan feminist. He was a body aviodant spiritual devotee to deprivation who held his wife responsible for his own lustful impulses. I had a lot of judgement as a 20 year old anarcho-feminist "should". I had to write a paper on how Ghandi was relevant to me. I had a hell of a time and i fought within myself fiercely to find a way to relate to this guy. I mean lots of dudes do great works socially but are complete demons in their personal lives, right? So I read and reread his biography and finally there was a quote from him in the introduction that gave me a "eureka!" moment. I just returned from an hour long web search but failed to find the exact quote I am looking for.
The intent and one possible meaning of the quote is: Ghandi says , "Do not call me Mahatma, Saint" or other revered titles, for when you do you remove from yourself the responsibility to find your own Truth and live it. In "getting" this quote I realized that I had been so busy judging and comparing myself to him, that I was not able to even see who he had been. Why did Ghandi's greatness threaten me so? Why was I so alarmed by his legacy that I had to demonize him? The paper I wrote was about this realization and my new understanding that Ghandi's life called me to be present to my own life. I saw that I had a responsibility to determine my own Truth. I saw I had a responsibility to examine the values that underpinned my actions. I saw that I must think critically and become a self-created individual.

My own thinking about experiences where it becomes clear that people are deifying me is 1) they are not seeing me as I am 2) they do not want to or know how to do the work necessary for them to see me as I am. 3) they do not want to or know how to do the work necessary for them to see themselves as divine 4) I am obsessively fixated on turning everything into a philosophical situation and I need to go take a nap. Perhaps they are not experiencing their own Immanence ( inner divinity/Life force). Perhaps they have never known or developed skills that would allow them to access Immanence. If I have an emotional investment in being close to the person and I have the free attention and energy to engage them, I will try to redirect their judgemental behavior towards self-reflection on self acceptance and worthiness. A lot of the time I am too tired or caught up in myself to do provide such guidance .

Usually when people are demonizing me, I have no access to them. The people who demonize me do so in their heads , in a monologue or they gossip about it with others and I never hear about it first hand. Which is fine. I may feel it in their energy fields but I do not have to deal with it on a 3-D level. In my recent experience, when people who are uncomfortable about my level of free self-expression and power tell me that they are aware they are demonizing me, we then have a conversation that builds intimacy and connection.

In my relationships with Connie and David, there is a lot of apotheosis and demonization. Actually, come to think of it, in most relationships, intimate or friendly or only acquaintances... Hmmm... Well, I need to stop writing now and go tend to physical things like eating. I hopeto have provoked you in some way! Blessings, Teri

A burlesque queen from the Land of OZ

2006-11-08T23:27:00.000-08:00

Here are some of the pictures David took of me at the Wet Spot ( Sex Positive Community Center's) Halloween party on Sunday Oct 29th. I am wearing a costume that my friend Rose created; she calls it "what a burlesque dancer would look like in the Land Of Oz". The blue nipples blink on and off when you flick them! I had a good time even though I was tired from teaching the "Taste of Kink" workshop with Connie and Mistress Marry from 5-7pm. Can you believe it only took me 15 min. to put on the makeup and rhinestones!

How I manifested my trip to Amsterdam

2006-11-07T09:57:00.000-08:00

Feel free to check out my website at www.terrafire.org

One of my new conversations in March 2006 became, " I am an international sexologist and I am going to teach in Amsterdam in November". At the time I did not know anyone who lived in Amsterdam. The only connection I had was an acquaintance named Ingrid who is Dutch and goes home every now and then. In July I received a phone call from a woman in charge of a Lesbian leather organization ( called the Wild Side ) in Amsterdam and she asked me to come and teach for them. How did I make this leap and cause my conversation to physically manifest? Through my originating circle and the network of conversations.

An originating circle is the circle of people who you come into contact with and have conversations with at least once a month. The network of conversations is the interconnected web of all originating circles. So while I may not be in conversation with my best friend's partner, that friend's partner influences me and I influence them through the fact that the best friend has conversation with both of us. My best friend and I are in each other's originating circles. My best friend's partner is in my secondary circle and on it goes ad finitum, ad nauseum. The network of conversations contains everything you may want or need. My network of conversations included people who live in Amsterdam and want to learn what I have to teach. While I did not know people directly, through conversation, I accessed people who knew people, who knew people in Amsterdam. Through interconnected originating circles, conversation created a connection. People in Amsterdam heard about my website and the classes I teach. My work was recommended and praised to them. They called me to see when and If I could teach for them.

What kind of conversation is required to achieve this kind of result? Generative conversation. Conversation that creates is made of declarations and definitions. This is different from story telling and representational speech. So a declaration is " I am an international sexologist and I am going to teach in Amsterdam in November". A story would be: "I've always wanted to go to Amsterdam but it costs to much and I really don't like planes, besides no one in Amsterdam knows about me so they won't be interested in my counseling and classes." In the story, I cannot have what I want and I am powerless. In the declaration I am what I want. In the declaration, I am being what I want to have.

At this time next week ( literally 7 days from now at 10:50pm) I am going to be in a plane headed to Amsterdam. I am taking one of my best friends "Jimbo", Jim Barker with me. We are going to have a kick ass marvelous time. I will attend the Wisdom Weekend #5 which will be a repeat of the weekend I am doing here in Seattle on Nov 10-12th. I will be teaching my "Sexy Body! Sexy Mind! class to the leather dykes of Wild Side at the gay and lesbian center of Amsterdam.
This happened because I decided to share a declarative conversation with everyone I spoke to at least once a month. I found out that many of the people I know had been to or lived in or knew someone who lived in Amsterdam. It really is a small intensely interconnected world. If you want something, talk about it as if you already have it. Believe in your power to obtain it and it is yours.

I have learned an immense amount of useful skills and techniques while taking the Landmark Wisdom Course. I registered for this course last November 15th. The first of 5 weekend intensives was March 18th. The last is this weekend November 10-12th. My life has dramatically improved because of this course. One of the most helpful and trans formative distinctions I have learned from Wisdom is the power of conversations. Oh you may be wondering "What is Landmark?" www.landmarkeducation.com

Landmark education is a personal growth and training organization. I took my 1st weekend intensive with them, known as The Forum the last weekend of July 2005. I took the 2nd intensive The Advance Course, last December. On Halloween weekend 2005 I went with my dear friend Allena Gabosch ( who got me into Landmark in the first place ) to a social event called The Wisdom Course Social. What happened that night and how I ended up in the Wisdom Course is another story, which I will hopefully get around to telling you later. Wisdom is a separate but related division of Landmark. Anyone who would like to join me this Saturday Nov. 11th at the Landmark education center on 35th and Phinney Ave. in Fremont is welcome. We will be having a conversation from 6-8pm about acknowledgement and appreciation. We will sit in small groups of 6 people and ask and answer questions. THe first question is "Who do you say that I am?" Then from 8-? ( usually about 10pm) The social gathering is called the World Wisdom Festival. This event was my idea. Each Wisdom social group ( there are about 8). will have their own booth where people can have an experience that focuses on Art, Spirit and Community. I will be helping people disappear conversations by writing what they no longer wish to say on a piece of flashpaper and burning it. Then I will sit with people and give them a "rock of Being" to remind them to breathe, stay in their body and "be". this is the whole be a human being not a human doing concept. This is going to be fun. Feel free to show up call me if you need more information.

What is the TerraFire Academy of Aphrodisiacal Living?

2006-11-03T14:55:00.000-08:00

What is the TerraFire Academy of Aphrodisiacal Living?

TerraFire

Once, a long time ago when I was still in my twenties, I had to choose a magical name for myself. People were frequently uncomfortable with my level of directness and self-confidence. I joked that people were “Teri-fied” of me, (a play off my first name), Then I decided to adopt this as a name I used in pagan contexts but changed it to TerraFire so that it invoked an image used in grounding meditations; the fire at the center of the living earth. Several years later, I became a ceramic artist and used the name TerraFire Arts when I sold my work. So TerraFire is my Holy self-created name.

Academy

Frequently, as people are getting to know me, they comment on how much they learn by being in my presence. I believe this is due to the fact that I very consciously live outside the dictates of the mainstream culture. I have nicknamed this culture the “weenie white boy world”. I do my best to create an alternative living space, which I carry around in my own energy field. I have created my own system of ethics and morality to accompany the following identities which I embody: anarcho-feminist, polyamorous “bachelorette”, Wiccan, pagan, sexologist, performance poet, philosopher, queer, kinky, pansexual, hedonist, pleasure activist, sacred whore, temple priestess, practitioner of sex magick. The fact of my embodying all of these personas/perspectives, is what causes others to learn in my presence. I received repeated feedback that hanging out with me is educational. Thus, my life is a performance art that instructs, in short, an academy

Aphrodisiacal Living

My spiritual teacher and Wiccan Elder Pat Ray gave me the book “Pagan Meditations” by Ginette Paris in 1993. In this book Paris shares her concepts regarding the creation of an Aphrodisiacal culture and context. Aphrodisiacal being defined as: the sexual perspectives and desires of a mature sex-positive, self-loving woman who understands her own nature as inherently Divine. Paris juxtaposed this concept to the current polarized notions of sexual contexts being either Erotic or Pornographic. She explains that the archetype and sexual perspective of Eros is that of a teenage boy who runs about chaotically striking people with the arrows of love/lust, sitting back to laugh at the results. She explains that the etiology of the word pornography translates as “ the writing of prostitutes”. I wish to be clear that I do not personally have any negative associations with this word or the practitioners of this ancient profession. The dominant culture, however, continues to revile prostitution and to a large extent demand it remain a criminal “offense”.

Aphrodisiacal is specifically a visionary feminist concept and as such provides the context for profound transformational political and personal sexual experiences.

My concept of Aphrodisiacal Culture stands in ideological opposition to the patriarchal concepts and subcultures of: swinging, wife swapping, orgies, and sexual infidelity (this being non-consensual sexual acts outside of committed monogamous coupling agreements). The problem of translating this concept and co-creating a temporary subculture that enacts its ethics; remains a major struggle in my ongoing attempts to create Aphrodisiacal experiences with others.

In my opinion, being raised in the mainstream American culture provides social indoctrination that predisposes people to have experiences of oppression, exploitation, and sexual repression. Relationship role models are based on non-consensual domination and submission. This socialization combines with people’s lack of positive and wide ranging sexual experience, lack of sexual self-esteem and a failure to understand the concept of Immanence to create confusion about and misunderstanding of Aphrodisiacal events. Considering all of this it has been no small miracle that the majority of people who have attended my academy have reported positive experiences.

The best way to increase people’s ability to understand Aphrodisiacal subculture is to educate them about its origins and provide them with personal experiences within facilitated Aphrodisiacal contexts. My ongoing experiences and education as a counselor and sexologist continue to inform my understanding of and ability to create Aphrodisiacal culture. A few of the goals of the TerraFire Academy of Aphrodisiacal Living are a) providing sexual healing, b) creating contexts that help people experience the divine; in themselves and others, c) increasing peoples capacity for pleasure, d) increasing people’s sexual self-esteem and sexual etiquette skills and e) creating sex positive culture that is respectful and empowering for all people.

Brief history of me: Part 1 of my amazing life

2006-11-03T13:18:00.000-08:00

A lot of people who are just getting to know me will make a comment like: "Wow, you have an exciting life", or " I'll bet you're never bored". I think they are right. I am often deeply moved by the realization of how unique, dynamic and pleasure focused my life is. I frequently say " I love my amazing life!". In fact, I put that phrase on my cell phone so that it shows on the screen whenever I turn my phone on. I make an effort to stay in a place of gratitude and wonder about my life. I make an effort to give the loving friends and partners I have appreciations regularly.

What you may ask, is so special about my life?
Well, let's start with my work. I am an international sex educator and counselor who specializing in creating sex positive adult education. What does that mean and why do I do it?

Let's start with Why I created the TerraFire Academy of Aphrodisiacal Living.

A BRIEF HISTORY OF ME (ages 26-Now 44)
Once upon a time I was a confused young woman who had a lot of sex in a very compulsive and sometimes self-demeaning way. In untangling the web of this behavior I discovered ( as so many many people do), a history of traumatic childhood, teenage and young adult sexual experiences.
In the process of healing these wounds, I realized that sexual healing was a key component of being a healthy functional adult. A key component of my healing was meeting and eventually marrying an enlightened man dedicated to critically analyzing gender roles. Larry Scott Williams was also a peace studies major and sociologist. Through his loving behavior I came to see myself as love-able and was able to separate sexual desirability and love.

I pursued a higher education hoping to help others.
I received a Master's degree in Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in Columbia Missouri at the age of 26 ( 1988). I worked with "chronically mentally ill" adults ( whatever mental illness is. I mean what is ill and where is your "mental" we are so ignorant of brain chemistry and how moods function!). In any case, I learned a lot about psychology for several years.
I started an intentional community in 1990 with 8 others. We called it DUMA and I lived there for 2 years. While I had been a witch since my first exposure to that spirituality in 1981,I met an amazing Wiccan elder and teacher named Pat Ray/Redwing in 1991.
I stopped doing social work in summer 1992 and started working on a a woman-centered coffeehouse in 1993 with my then business partner Dawn Lamp. We called it Baba Yaga's Dream and sold magazines, rubber stamps, local art, sex toys and gifts. We had a lot of folk musicians at the beginnings of their careers perform there, like Dar Williams and Jewel. I learned a lot about running a small business, budgeting, taxes etc...I learned a lot about social behavior in the environmental, neo-hippy, gay, lesbian and queer subcultures of Eugene, Oregon. After leaving DUMA and having Baba Yaga's fail financially, I got pretty discouraged about building community.

How I came upon the idea of Aphrodisiacal contexts and learned to develop it.
While still running Baba's I started a series of salon discussion evenings.
Pat Ray gave me the book "Pagan Meditations" which introduced me to the concept of Aphrodisiacal and I decided to hold an entire series of salons just on the concept of women and sexuality. At the first salon I held a woman named Caledonia came and explained that she was a devotee of the goddess Aphrodite and she had been for years. She explained that this meant she would be of sexual service to anyone who presented themselves as in need. I found this fascinating. At first I thought she was possibly hurting herself. She basically explained the concept of what I now call Transpersonal sex ( more about this term in future entries).
I also began attending The Aquarian Tabernacle Church Spring Mysteries Festival. At this festival, Sylvan Grove Coven created an Aphrodite Temple and held Aphrodite Rituals, (I will also go into detail about these in the future, I promise). These events were sex magick rituals.
Before these experiences I had seen Aphrodite as an unachievable icon of femininity. I resented her archetype and belittled it by putting her in the dumb blonde catagory. After this education I came to see that one of her magickal powers is to give humans the ability to see and experience the Divine through sex with others. When I am having Aphrodisiacal sex it is an ego less merging with other divine beings that expands me and sends ecstasy in all directions.

Back in Mundane land:I started making ceramics and really focusing on my path as a Wiccan Priestess in 1995.
I started a public Wiccan Tradition with my friends Cathy Chandler and Caledonia Crossman: we called it Cauldron of Changes. I learned a lot about Wicca, paganism, incense making, magickal tools, energy work and sex magick. Spent some time in the O.T.O. with ceremonial magicians.

In 1995 I also started TerraFire Arts, mainly selling at the Eugene Saturday Market. I sold ceramic jewelry and idols focusing on Images of the Goddess. I learned a lot about ceramics, art marketing and the Circle of hands collective art gallery. At this time I also started taking classes and eventually training to teach Holistic Peer Counseling. Wahaba Heartsun was my teacher and mentor. I started teaching this system of peer counseling based on re-evaluation counseling beliefs in 1997. My marriage started to unravel due to a series of polyamorous relationships and the changes in my beliefs. I started teaching and counseling as my main form of income in 1999. I attended the WTO in November 1999. I made the long awaited move to Seattle in March 2000.

I've written a lot here and I will continue with what is an international sex positive adult educator and counselor.

Blessed Samhain

2006-10-31T23:26:00.000-08:00

Had a lovely day.
Enjoyed water aerobics. Completely replaced my c-pap machine ( a machine for people with sleep apnea) and found out what I need to make it work in Amsterdam.
Saw my financial advisor Trent Keenlance. Walked all the way from his office at the Post-Intelligencer building to Pike Place Market. Bought items for my Samhain ritual. Caught up on emails and posted my November classes and salons on Craig's list and tribe. If you want to see these go to my website at www.terrafire.org

Had a short check in phone call with my sweetie David.

My friends Jack/Orion and Susan and an unnamed friend of Susan's and I all participated in a moving Samhain ritual. Jack made lots of lovely food including Salmon with Hazelnuts. Salmon are said to have become wise by eating hazelnuts that fell into the water, this is Celtic mythology. Jack is Irish and a Druid and quite familiar with Death. We had created an altar of our ancestors and beloved dead. We drank whiskey and port and lambic ale. I brought pictures of my father who died in Feb 2005, my grandparents who died Summer of 2003, and my dear friend and teacher Pat Ray/Redwing who died in Spring 1994. Candles in a flame decorated glass bowl that my friend Kristen helped me make in his studio. Marigolds from the market. Skull bead Mala from my Kali puja practice. More candles. New skulls on a string from Kathy given to me yesterday. Lovely ginger candies.
We talked about each of our beloveds, telling stories about them: who they were, what they liked, what their deaths meant to us. We toasted them and drank and ate in their stead.

Beautiful cold windy October night. Jack and Susan each carved a pumpkin. Sat on Susan's balcony and watched the sky behind the Space Needle change colors.

I am getting very excited about my trip to Amsterdam with Jimbo. Just 15 days away.

Realizing I need to design some sexual healing rituals for women only "Yoni Healing Workshops" and forming the outlines for these in the back of my mind part of the day. Will start them in January, hopefully one every 3 months. Would love to teach them at Temple of the Senses. Also toying with the idea of doing "Initiation to Baubo" workshops again.

Have started to look for venues for the Kinky Carnival in February 2007 Will hold it on Saturday the 10th.

Samhain Musings

2006-10-29T15:51:00.000-08:00

Had an amazing time attending the Center for Ethical Leadership's Confluence Conference from Thursday til Sat afternoon. Went to a Murder Mystery dinner last night.

Quite an intense day today. Woke up and hit the ground running this morning. My brothers birthday, my father's ghost hanging around. Looked at the Ancestor Altar with his photos on it for a while this afternoon.

Teaching a "Little bit of Kink" with Connie and Mistress Marry at the Wild at heart Sex Toy Store from 5-7:30 and then helping David take photos all night ( &:45-Midnight) at the Sex Positive Community Center, (S.P.P.C.- also affectionately called the Wet Spot.).

Lots of Irons in the fire:Starting podcasts with Allena & David. Making videos of my classes and poetry with Rose.

Amsterdam in 2 weeks. just got a confirmation email from Tania of the Wildside, thosw leather dykes are excited about me teaching for them and I am thrilled myself. Well hopefully this is enough for my first blog entry.
Write to you again soon!

Samhain Blessings,

TerraFire